⭑ 25:

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The soft pitter patter of rain from outside filling up our ears. It's sound, a soothing rhythm calming down my nerves a little. It has been raining nonstop since last night however the rain seemed to have calmed down by now. I've been staring at him for as long as I can remember. It has probably been more than five minutes and neither one of us has spoken a single word ever since he asked the question, what are we? I part my lips to speak but the words seem to have been stuck at the back of my throat. I don't know what to say.

Exhaling loudly as if my lungs were filled with a large amount of air I try speaking again.

"I- I'm not sure joong" I speak but it comes out as a whisper. What are we?

He remains quiet but gives me a light nod and tries to pull back his hands from mine but I hold onto them firmly.

"Don't pull back. Are you okay?" I ask him and he looks up, his eyes a slight bit of red and teary.

"I- I don't know hwa. I think I h-have s-something to tell you" he replies his voice a bit weak, giving a peek of the anxiety he's feeling.

"Go on then baby I'm listening" I take his hand and make him sit on us sit of his bed which is closer to the closet than mine. He takes about a minute before nodding to himself and turns his head towards the window. I do it as well so he feels comfortable sharing whatever is troubling him. The sun still hasn't come out properly, hidden behind the fluffy water machines in the sky, the clouds. I wonder when the rain will stop.

"I- I like you hyung" he finally speaks instantly pulling me out from the thoughts. His words instantly make goosebumps prickle on both my arms. Capturing my heartbeat and not letting it go. I jerk my towards my right where he's sitting. I blink rapidly as I watch him, trying to process what my ears just heard.

I open my mouth to speak and nothing but a silent "y-you do?" comes out of it.

"I do" he blinks away the salty tears forming in his eyes letting them slide down his face. "I have been for a while. I've liked you ever since I was 14"

I feel my palms getting sweating, heart rate increases as every second passes by. I could've never imagined for him to like me. Why me?

"I- I'm sorry I know this is a lot for you to take. I just couldn't hide my feelings anymore, they are so strange. I've tried pushing them away, I- I p-promise!"

My heart pains as I watch him brings his hands up to defend his feelings. My heart breaks as I watch the tears fall down from his beautiful face. I wish I could do something.

"E-ever after the way I've acted with you the past years? How Hongjoong? I've been nothing but an awful person to you"

My voice cracks as I speak and I look back down at my trembling hands.

"I don't know" he sniffles and I can tell he turns his head towards me from the side of my eye. "I just do."

I move my head up and down, nodding with the little energy left in me. I don't know what to say. I don't even know about myself. I've always dated girls and I've never liked a guy, ever. I take my time to look up and directly in his eyes again but once I do I see them staring back at me. Red and a tad bit puffy.

"I- I don't know what to say Hongjoong-ah. I've never liked a guy like that and you also know how I've always had crushed on girls and dated them"I stop to inhale but even such a simple thing feels like it's crushing my ribs and straight away going to pain my heart once I try to speak again, my voice box fails me once more.

He gives me a soft smile even though I can see the pain behind them. I raise an eyebrow in confusion as he moves forward but once his hand touches my face, thumb wiping my eyes I realise I have been crying with him. When did I even start crying? Why am I even crying? I hear him say a few 'it's okays' and it all makes me feel so dizzy. I see more of his tears fall from his eyes as he wiped him making my heart drop to my stomach.

"I-it's so confusing Hongjoong-ah, what do I do" I speak again, my voice coming out a bit loud as I clench my hands. More tears come rushing down myself face, I can't control them. At all. They don't stop. Why don't they stop?

"This is so new to me, I've never even liked a guy how come I've been kissing you these past weeks?" My breathing becomes a bit uneven and I don't understand if I'm asking him this question or myself.

"I- I know, I really do. I know how you feel" A sob leaves my mouth as he comes closer and pulls my body in a tight hug as if he's protecting me from my own feelings, anxiety and fears.

"Y-you've k-know me forever. It w-wasn't easy when I figured out my feelings either. I was t-terrified. I tried everything I could to make t-them g-go away. I-it all felt soo s-strange. I couldn't tell a single soul too afraid of what they'd do to me. I never told a-anyone in school j-just you and Yunho. You remember what happened when I told my...my parents hyung"

His voice turns into a bit of whisper at the last part and I pull him apart slightly , I stare at him as he closes his eyes, a painful expression on his face as I assume, he remembers the horrifying moment of what his parents did to him. Instantly after seeing his face I pull him back into the tight hug and hear him whimper in pain as he chokes back a sob.

"I understand how you feel, I promise" he breaks the silence that had fallen over us for a few minutes that we took just to sob in eachother's arms. He pulls back from the hug and stares at me with a small, sad smile.

"I'm erm sorry for you know...just throwing my feelings at you when I knew you have no idea about what and why we have been doing this stuff lately"

"No joong, you didn't throw your feels at me or anything. I guess you kind of me realise about my feelings I didn't even know I had. I- I'm still not sure about-"

"That, yes I know" he lets out a little giggle cutting me off which makes me smile as well.

"Yeah, about that. Please give me some time to understand my own feelings" my hands grab his hands again and I rub them lightly with my thumb.

"I know, take your time hwa" he gives a short reply but I catch the slight twitch in his smile. He has more to say and I know that.

"Go on, it's okay tell me if there's anything else" I encourage him.

"Do we have to keep...doing what we were?"

My head goes blank for a second. I clear my throat and I try to think and I realise how much it must've been hurting him that I've been kissing him even though I don't mean it.

"I- did it hurt you joongie? I'm sorry, we can stop" I don't understand why but my heart pains as I say this to him. I don't want to stop kissing and I still can't figure it out.

"Do you mean that?" He asks almost in a whisper.

"That I'm sorry? Yes but stop kissing you? No. I don't. Not even a little bit" I reply honestly making his eyes widen a bit.

"I don't understand either, trust me. Your lips are so pretty and peachy. They are so kissable. They fit perfectly with mine." —I watch how a faint pink starts appearing on his cheeks again and continue— "I don't know why Hongjoong, your kisses are like a bad addiction. You are a bad addiction."

I pause slightly chuckling at the expression on his face and pink cheeks.

"But if you walk away right now, I swear I won't stop you. I care about you and your feelings"

"I- I can't" his words make my head dizzy. What does he mean?

"You are like a bad addiction too hyung"—he breaths out air—"I want to keep kissing you. I don't care how much it hurts me. I know I sound selfish and funny, too dumb maybe but it's fine. I am a loser."

His words send a pang to my heart, not sure if they bring me pleasure or excessive pain by how low he's putting myself. I gently grab his chin to make him look at me and give him a soft smile.

"Don't say that. I've always scored the best in the being world's number one loser when it comes to love" my eyes soften as I stare at him. "I didn't even my believe my best friend when he told me my ex girlfriend was cheating on me"

We both chuckle and I continue to stare at his gorgeous face. Somehow the world pauses and I feel us moving closer again. At some point we're so close I feel his breath on my mouth and that's when a second I feel his mouth on my mouth instead. Both of us instantly melt into a kiss.

...

"I still can't believe you were hiding in a fucking closet because you felt shy after that kiss"

"Hey you said you won't mention it!" Whined the smaller before punching the older's shoulder who only laughed louder.

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