Run Deep

"Outside? Babe why didn't you say you were coming?" I asked then sighed seeing Chris stand off the couch and walk towards the spare bedroom before disappearing into it.

"Damn I surprise you and this the response I get. you ain't happy i'm here?" he sounded upset, but I knew he was joking.

"No. no its not that. It's just... i'm not at my apartment, I stayed at sevyn's last night. I mean I could get up and go pick up my car then meet you where ever you are?" I rushed the last sentence.

"Pick up your car? Why you ain't drive it?" He questioned making me more nervous about lying right now. "Uhh, we went out and then went to her place, neesha drove." I explained and he let out a short "oh".

"Alright imma go hit up scooter, hurry baby I only got one day in town." I smiled a little at him calling me baby... I liked the way he said it.

"I will, I promise. Bye" I let out then waited for him to say it back before I cut the call and laid back sighing.

"You're leaving?" I stood in front of Chris as he sat fixing his shoes on.

"Yeah. I got stuff to do." He answered tightly, which made me feel a little on edge... 10 minutes ago he was confessing his love for me, now all of a sudden he was angry again.

"Are you mad at me?.." I trailed off looking at the side of his face and intently at his jaw when he moved his mouth to speak.

"I want to go soon. To richmond." He said avoiding the question instead of just saying yes.

"Chris, I don't know. I have to work." He looked away from me then stood up, walking past me.

"I'm going to get the jet to take us first thing tuesday." He said getting closer to the door then met eyes with me once more before he walked out.

I stared at the door after he left as if he was going to magically reappear. I need to talk to mijo.

"Hello?" I heard him say into the phone, clearly he was still sleeping and I'd woke him.

"...M, can you talk." I asked and heard him huff slightly.

"Yeah, what's up Kaye?" He was moving around and I heard a door shut in his background before I spoke.

"He knows M. Chris, he knows about Asia, he hates me I know he hates me." I said into the receiver as tears cascaded from my eyes. I've been such a cry baby recently. Mijo sighed loudly on the other end.

"Kaye don't cry. He don't hate you alright, he might be mad as fuck right now but that nigga could never hate you... What he do when you told him?" He asked and I wiped my face.

"A lot. I didn't even tell him, he found her birth certificate in my drawer and just flipped out, cursed me out...cried." I explained leaving out the fact that he chucked me out.

"Damn, I ain't surprised that he reacted that way, but shit. Why was he going through your shit anyway?" He quizzed, I knew what he was thinking.

"He wants to go to her grave in richmond. Iono if I can do this M." I cried biting down on my lip to try calm myself.

"Damn forreal? That's tough...you gotta let it happen, its going to be hard but ya'll gotta do it, it'll give you closure." He said rightfully, but its so much easier said than done.

"I know...thanks M, I'll call you later alright?" I said and he said a quick "bye" before he cut off, he must've been itching to go back to sleep.

—

"So you and sevyn just hung with neesha last night huh?" Michael asked and I looked up at him through the mirror I was fixing myself in; he was taking me out to dinner before he left back to philly.

"Yeah, pretty much..." I trailed off and stared at him further waiting for his response.

"Oh word? Shaderoom got pictures of you and CB leaving the club last night." He said casually, still scrolling through his phone before he looked up at me with a hard glare which caused me to snap my head in his direction.

"...I can explain that." I started, but could I really explain? He watched me awaiting my response, but still didn't speak.

"Okay so we hung out...at the club...we all got drunk so the guys gave us rides home. Nothing happened I promise." I explained and saw him clinch his jaw processing what I'd said.

"So you lied to me?" He asked in a monotone sarcastic tone.

"No. yes. Baby I didn't want you to get mad alright. I'm sorry." I apologised and stood to walk over to him.

"You ever fucked that nigga Kamaiyah?" He asked sternly and I looked up into his eyes.

"I told you we've been friends since before we could walk." I half ass answered the question and he rolled his eyes slightly.

"That's not what I asked." He snapped back.

"No I never slept with him. You happy?' I lied and he began scrolling through his phone again.

"I don't want you talking to him when I'm not around no more." My brows furrowed at his words.

"What? I'm not going to stop talking to him because you think its something that its not... Can't you just trust me?" I asked catching an attitude.

"I do trust you. Its him I don't trust." He resulted.

"Chris doesn't want me, he has his own relationships to worry about." I said fighting his corner.

"Look I don't want you talking to him and I'm not going to argue with you over it, so quit." His voice rose slightly and I really didn't want to argue especially when I was lying in his face, so fuck it, if its what he wanted to hear then.

"Fine, alright. I won't talk to him..." I trailed off before standing up and going back over to my mirror.

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Richmond. With all the promo I'd been doing I'd barely had any time to come down here.

I turned over to look at Kaye as she slept. It was only me, her, a flight attendant and the pilot on the Jet so it was no rush to get off.

I tapped her thigh and she snapped out of sleep quick then looked at me before she turned to look out the window. Her head fell back in her lap when she realized we were here, she didn't seem pleased to be back at all.

"Come on." I said standing before her and went to get my jacket. The ride to the hotel was short; but it felt like forever with the lack of conversation; She was acting like I forced her to be here.

-

As we walked along the graveyard I was steps ahead of her, as if I knew where the fuck I was walking to - I just didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to be mad at her, but everytime I looked at her this shit became so much more real. I just wanted to get this over with so I could get over it...if it would actually help. I had to do this if I didn't want to hate Kam. My anger management adviser always let us know the best way to get passed something is to deal with it.

I couldn't feel my legs, but I knew I was walking - it was like nothing I'd ever felt before.

"Chris." She said from behind me and I saw my legs stop moving in front of me then turned to her and she indicated for me to follow behind her.

As we approached the small marble grave stone my heart fell into my stomach, I dropped down in front of it and stared at the message written across it.

"Asia Marie Brown November 17th 2007 - December 23rd 2007 - Angel on Earth" I didn't realize I had tears streaming from my face till they fell off and onto my chest.

"You know, I would have been there for you if I could have been. I would have loved you with all my heart, if I knew you existed; but I didn't and I have to find my own way to get over that. Your mom showed me pictures of you - you looked just like me, you were beautiful." I bit down on my lip letting some of my tears slip into my mouth.  

"I don't want you to think that I wouldn't have or that I don't care about you because even though I just found out about you; I would give up my life to be able to just hold you one time." I couldn't see Kam, but I could certainly hear her small sniffles and wimpers every so often.

"I'm going to come here whenever I can to come see you. And don't worry about your mom I'm going to take care of her alright?" I spoke to the tomb stone in front of me and some part of me really was waiting for it to talk back - but obviously it didn't, but I felt a presence, that was enough. I stood up from my seated position and stepped forward to place the flowers in my hands down onto the soil.

I turned around and looked up at Kam but she wasn't looking at me, she was stood away from me with her back facing me, I stepped forward and took her hand in mine leading us out of the cemetery- I didn't want to talk and she wasn't in any fit state to do so either so I just left it.

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I don't know why Chris chose to get one hotel room; but I wasn't complaining. After this morning I felt like all I wanted to do was be next to him - even though he spent most of his time avoiding conversation. This was all too much.

"Kam." I heard his voice boom through the room and opened my eyes.

"Yeah?" I answered and felt him shift so that he was pressed up against me.

"I want you to promise me something." He started and I urged him to go on.

"I want you to forgive yourself - I've forgiven you and I don't want you to hold it against yourself alright?" I blinked away salt water from my eyes then nodded, the lights were off but I just assumed he'd feel the pillow shift. I was so shocked by his behaviour, after all this time I spent hiding this from him and running from the truth; he still accepted me.

"You got to stop all that crying." I don't even know how he knew I was crying, all I did was nod. He pressed closer to me and pushed his head in my neck kissing it.

"I don't want you crying over me anymore. Please stop crying." He pleaded again adding more kisses along my jaw line till eventually he moved to sit up on his knees and opened my legs to rest his body on top of mine.

He moved down and kissed me on my lips as his hands fondled different parts of my body aimlessly. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his hard on grow hard against me, were we really going back to this.

He didn't want to tear his lips from mine I know he didn't and the only time he did was to quickly rip off whatever items of our clothing was relevant.

"Stop" he said smacking my hand that was making its way into his B.B. shorts. He didn't waste any time, just pulled me up and rolled me over so my ass was up and my face was pressed the white hotel cushions.

He massaged my opening with his tip before sliding in. I let out a series of small wimpers in pleasure and slight pain. It doesn't matter how many times he and I did this,every time felt like the first time.

He stroked in and out of me slow, just how I wanted it at that moment; slow, hard and long strokes. I moaned, screamed, shook, shouted out how much I loved him through the course of whatever we were doing; fucking, having sex, making love. I didn't know which suited this best.

He was stroking from the side, while leaving kisses along my jaw line. After riding him my legs honestly fell limp, I didn't know how much longer I could go and he wasn't showing signs of finishing soon. 

"Shit" he groaned full hearted, I felt him grow inside me and all of a sudden I found strength to push back into him meeting his thrusts with force.

"Oh my g- I'm cumming." I cried out and felt an orgasm rip through me along with his warm semen and he slowed down coming to a halt with a loud groan, but still didn't pull out; instead he wrapped an arm around me pushing our sweaty bodies against each other more. I was so caught up trying to get over how great what just happened was that I didn't realize he hadn't spoke till he actually did - minutes later.

"I don't want you with anybody else. Alright?" He said softly and without hesitation my head nodded quickly.

"I don't want you with anybody else." I said back and he kissed my shoulder holding me tighter and rested a hand on my lower abdomen, rubbing over my cover up tattoo.

"There isn't anybody else. It was always you."As much as his words made me smile on the outside, all i could think about was Michael.