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Hi all! So...my class is done! Yay!!! To celebrate I wrote something I think you'll all enjoy! 

Happy Reading!

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Jo

I was shocked when they took Negan's offer. It had seemed over the top to me. Half of their scavenged stuff for three months for us to take care of this problem for them. What struck me was how relieved the others looked when Matt accepted Negan's outrageous tax for our help and the two leaders shook hands.

For the meeting Negan had me once more standing at his side as he wrapped up business. When Matt let go of Negan's hand he turned to me and held his hand out. I stared down at it for a second longer than was polite before I accepted it. It felt like such an odd gesture and I was struck by the normalcy of it.

"Thank you," He said sincerely, shaking my hand gently as though he were trying not to hurt me.

I nodded. I wasn't sure why I felt so unsettled. They seemed to feel it was a fair trade and I understood it was business. Maybe it was because of how tired and desperate Matt and the other two seemed. If it was only Scott I would have encouraged Negan to tax him a full six months for our help.

Scott came along behind Matt. As soon as Matt turned towards the door Scott moved to follow.

Negan slid his bat in front of Scott, forcing him to stop. He cocked his head to the side and watched Scott for a moment before he spoke. "Do you know what a handshake is Scotty-boy?" Negan asked.

Scott swallowed and looked from the bat to Negan and back again. Even if Negan hadn't made an example of the young man, I wouldn't have liked him. There was something in the way he moved, the way he watched people around him that was off putting and made me want to be holding a knife.

"You see Scotty, a handshake is a sign of mutual respect. That is not something I offer to too many people, but as you can see I offered it to your boss. Now, I get it. The boss is getting older, you think you could do a better job, but I am telling you right now Scotty. I don't respect you, and your little group would have been dead a dozen times over without my help. You just think about that for a while," Negan advised and he lifted the bat.

Scott fast walked towards where Matt was holding the door, frowning. He was too far away to hear what Negan had said but he nodded in thanks anyway before Merle led the four of them away.

As soon as the door clicked shut Negan turned back to his people. "Sit your asses down," he ordered.

He scrubbed at his eyes and I could see how tired he was. If what Dwight said was true he had been in talks with Matt's group all day. It was a long time to have to put on a show.

"Gavin," Negan said. "Matt's group lives in an old satellite station about fifteen miles from here. I want you to take a team and keep an eye on them. I want to know for sure this isn't some elaborate plan to double cross us."

Gavin nodded.

Negan slid a map across the table towards Simon. "Simon, get a scouting team out there pronto. We need to know what we are walking into. Find their lookouts. Make sure all Matt's info is accurate. They're amateurs and I want to make sure we aren't walking into a trap. Take Dixon. There's still enough light for him to make sure the tracks in the area match their story. Don't engage until we get there."

Simon nodded.

Negan turned to Regina. "Double the lookouts, double the guards, make sure everything is goddamn secure. When we go out to take these bastards make sure the team back home is three times as strong. We aren't taking any chances."

Regina nodded.

"Good, get your asses moving. We kick in the doors at..." Negan slid his sleeve back and looked down at his watch "Twenty-three hundred."

The others nodded and filed out of the room. Negan sighed exhaustedly and leaned back in his chair, scrubbing at his face. "Say it," he said groaning.

"Say what?" I asked.

"Whatever it is you are thinking so hard I can feel it from here," he swung his chair around to face me. He cocked his head to the side as he watched me warily.

"We're going tonight," I observed stating the obvious.

He nodded slowly. He was watching me carefully like he was waiting for me to react. I wasn't exactly sure what he expected but I didn't seem to be doing it.

"You know how three people keep a secret?" He asked.

"If two are dead. Benjamin Franklin."

He chuckled and nodded. "Right. Well, we can't take the chance word will get out about our little field trip."

"You thinking about Scott?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Wouldn't  surprise me, but we got a lot of people here too. It's better to move fast before we have to worry about someone pillow talking to the wrong person," he reached forward and grabbed my belt pulling me towards him until I was standing between his legs. He stared down at my belt, running his fingers along the leather and where it connected to my shoulder rig. I held perfectly still, trying not to react. He teased his fingers along the leather as though he were touching my skin.

"You were pretty quick on that quote," he observed. "You've never said what it was you did before all this."

He looked up at me then and while his words and fingers were light, his eyes were serious.

I shrugged. "I guess I assumed you knew. I figured Kate would have told you."

He smiled up at me. Even with him sitting and me standing I was only a few inches taller than him. "It didn't really come up."

I nodded. "Well...it hasn't really come up," I said shrugging. "It doesn't feel like it matters anymore," I said like that was the end of it. And I wanted it to be. I couldn't do this, couldn't go into this with him, not now. Not when in just a couple hours I needed to be this person. I couldn't be both.

Negan stilled his hands, they were resting lightly on my hips as he gazed up at me with such intensity it made me uncomfortable.

"Don't we have-" I started to say turning towards the door so I would have a moment to compose myself.

Negan's fingers dug into my hips and he easily spun me back around to face him. "Don't run from me." He ordered, and his eyes were more serious than I had ever seen them.

I opened my mouth but I didn't know how to respond.

He pressed his mouth into a grim line and forced me to hold his gaze. As always he was relentless, unabashedly open and boldly himself. I couldn't fathom the nerve it took for him to be that way with how exposed and vulnerable it made me feel.

"I was married," he said simply. "You know that, no one else does. I worked at a High School. I taught phys ed, health class, fitness, and nutrition. I was the football and wrestling coach."

I blinked at him, trying to picture it. Trying to see this man working with kids. I supposed I had never seen him interact with kids. Thinking back I wasn't sure I had seen a kid since I came to The Sanctuary.

He still held onto my hips, but it wasn't playful anymore. Now I felt like he was anchoring me, forcing me to confront this when all I wanted to do was meet up with the others and go fight something, anything. It didn't matter what it was, I just needed to move.

But Negan was staring up at me, offering me this piece of himself. I couldn't throw that back in his face.

"Did you have any kids of your own?" I asked. Even as I did so I knew it meant he would ask the same of me, and I would have to talk about it some time. I wasn't foolish enough to think Negan would just let me continue to pretend like this was all I had ever been. It wasn't in his nature.

He shook his head. "Lucille was sick for years before the turn. She couldn't have any."

I nodded because there wasn't anything to say to that. I licked my lips and started with the easiest piece of my past. "I was in school still. Working towards my PhD. Wildlife Biology at the University of Georgia."

Negan nodded, holding himself extra still as though he believed any movement on his part would scare me off. He was probably right about that.

"My dissertation was on North American Predators," I told him.

A strange look crossed his face. "You studied predators?" He asked cocking his head to the side as he regarded me.

I nodded and then hesitated because that wasn't entirely accurate. "Predator behavior." I said. "Mainly wolves out west."

He snorted and his smile was almost proud, "Now that makes a whole lot of sense."

I frowned, not following but instead of explaining he just chuckled and leaned forward. He cupped one side of my face in his hand and pulled me down so he could kiss my forehead. It threw me off balance and I caught myself on his forearms.

"Were you married?" He asked and he refused to let me go. I wasn't used to this casual intimacy. In the last year I had learned to be almost phobic about touch. Any time anyone had moved towards me it had been to hurt me. It had forged some deep seated responses that weren't easy to shake. In the last month however I was starting to feel like that was changing. Negan was changing that. When I was close to him I couldn't get enough. I felt touch starved. I tightened my grip on his forearms. Just touching him helped anchor me.

I licked my lips and swallowed, knowing I owed him answers. He had been one hundred percent open with me, something I still couldn't fully comprehend, but if I turned away now it would hurt him. "Tommy."

Negan frowned. "Isn't that the name of Katie's...?" He started to ask.

I exhaled. "Yeah, it's weird for me too," I said honestly. I looked down at where my fingers were gripping the leather of his jacket. I moved my thumb over the leather as I chewed on the inside of my cheek.

His thumb glossed over my cheek bone and he waited. I lifted my eyes to look into his face and scowled. He was waiting for me. I didn't normally think of Negan as being particularly patient except in times like this. 

I sighed. "Why can't you just-" I started to say exasperatedly, but he cut me off.

"Because if I let you run, you'll never stop."

I opened my mouth to respond but I honestly didn't know what to say to that.

"Tell me the truth, how many times have you thought about leaving?" He looked down at where his hands were gripping my hips. "I'm not an idiot Jo, you never planned to stay. Whatever happened to your family, you've been running ever since," he sank his fingers into my hair and pulled me down to him so our foreheads rested against each other. "Stay with me," it was a rough command.

"I-" I started to say. I was bewildered. I was here. I was staying. I didn't understand.

As I stood there, staring into his eyes I could see a glimmer of uncertainty, like he was waiting for me to pull away from him again. Like I had done to him so many times in the past. Maybe he wasn't as bold and fearless as he always seemed. He had pulled back when he found my bug out bag, and not spoken to me for two weeks. I realized then it wasn't just because he was mad. I could be excused for thinking that because anger had been the only emotion he had shown me. But he had also been protecting himself.

I felt like a jerk for not seeing it sooner. He gave everything to me and I gave him so little in return. It wasn't fair. If I wanted to do this, really do this, I couldn't go halfway. I wouldn't be able to hold myself back and protect myself. I would have to risk truly trusting him. Something tightened in my chest and suddenly it felt like I couldn't breathe.

Fear made me claustrophobic, so I forced the words out before my fear for the best of me. "My whole family died," I blurted before I could change my mind and stop myself. "We fought to survive and Tom led us. He kept us safe until...I lost him and...my son."

My voice was a hoarse rasp as I spoke the last word. I hadn't realized it, but my grip had tightened on Negan's coat. Most people would have looked away, been uncomfortable staring my tragedy in the face, but Negan held my gaze, refusing to break eye contact. I fought for composure, but tears were burning the backs of my eyes.

"Hey," He said gently.

My control was crumpling. I sank my teeth into the inside of my lip as memory after memory lashed through me. I couldn't do this. He might be able to stare his past in the face but I wasn't ready.

Stop, reset.

"Hey," He said again and I couldn't see him through the flood of tears. It made me feel even more vulnerable.

He pulled me down into his lap and cradled me against his chest. I considered pulling away and trying to hold on for just a second before I let myself give in. It was only Negan and I here. Still, I didn't let myself go completely. If I ever did that I wasn't sure I would be able to stop. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears burned their way down my cheeks.

He held me for only a few minutes before he pulled back. One hand came up and caught the side of my face and he forced me to look him in the eye. His thumb skimmed along my cheek, brushing away my tears.

"People like to pretend what they were before doesn't matter. But that's bullshit. Our pasts reflect everything we do. You can't run from it."

I stared up at him. Sometimes he could be so insightful it caught me by surprise. He was so much more than the mask he used to lead in this world.

He brushed hair back from my face and leaned in and kissed me sweetly.

I drew in a deep breath and stepped back from him. "I'm sorry," I said in a low voice. "I haven't-"

He stepped into my space and cupped the side of my face, forcing me to look up at him. "'You've' nothing," he said firmly. "Don't ever apologize to me about your past. It's what made you into the magnificent creature you are today. Don't ever apologize for that."

And he kissed me soundly before he stepped back. "So, when was the last time you ate?" he asked casually.

I stopped and thought, but to be honest I couldn't really remember. "I-" I started to say and he grunted.

"Save it," he ordered sounding annoyed. "You are a goddamn terrible liar and even worse at taking care of yourself. Come on, let's grab some chow and figure out what the hell we're going to do about these assholes. There's this Asian guy in the market makes killer noodles," he shuffled all the papers together into a pile and scooped them up under one arm and grabbed my hand with the other.

"I think he might be Japanese," I teased, letting Negan pull me towards the door.

Negan shot a mock glare over his shoulder at me.

I giggled.

"And I don't think he's open until third shift," I continued because if I was honest, there were few things as satisfying as teasing Negan. So many people were afraid of him and he rarely got to be himself with anyone.

Negan snorted. "Sweetheart, they are always open for me," he said looking back over his shoulder at me with a devilish grin. Negan opened the door to reveal Dwight standing in the hall still, waiting.

I lifted a brow, but said nothing. I was surprised he was still waiting and not entirely clear why.

"Good work Dwighty boy," Negan congratulated. "But I got the body guarding covered for tonight," he said with a suggestive wink.

I frowned and opened my mouth to argue, but Negan dragged me down the hall after him not giving me the chance to ask questions. I had to trot to keep up so he didn't pull my arm out of the socket.

"Don't we need to get ready to go?" I asked. "I don't feel like dinner should be a priority."

"And that right there Hit Friend is why you are too damn skinny," Negan said shaking his head. "Besides...kicking in the door at 2300 we've got at least four hours to kill," he responded flashing me a sly grin.

I felt a blush creep it's way up my neck as I thought about all the ways we could kill four hours. I was just glad he was still leading me down the hall so he didn't see it.

True to his word the Japanese gentleman who made the noodles hurriedly produced two heaping plates despite not being open for business yet. Negan carried both and led the way back through the market. People nodded to him respectfully as we passed. The woman with the jackets waved.

"Hi Jo!" she called enthusiastically.

I lifted a hand awkwardly. Negan glanced back at her and she lowered her hand uncertainly.

Negan looked back at me and his eyes ran over the jacket I wore. Then he turned back to the woman and nodded. It felt odd having someone afraid of Negan but comfortable with me. It all felt strangely backwards and I wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

She smiled hesitantly after us, but Negan didn't stop, he was on a mission. Balancing the plates in his hands and the papers under an arm he led the way back towards his apartment.

One of his guards opened the door for us and Negan led the way over to his table. He set the plates down and spread the papers over the middle of the table. He pulled two forks out of his kitchenette and sat down at the table while I stood there staring down at the information Matt had given us.

Negan started shoveling noodles into his mouth while I shifted thoughtfully through the pages. Negan had certainly been right when he called Matt and his group amateurs. The 'schematics' were poorly drawn from memory and the information ran from unhelpful to woefully incomplete. Even with the best trained group available this was going to be dangerous. Negan was nuts if he thought I was going to let him go without me.

"So...what to do about these assholes?" Negan asked sliding my plate towards me with a meaningful look.

With everything going on I wasn't really hungry, but I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't eat. So I ate a couple of small bites while I thought it through.

"Easiest thing would probably be to kill them all," Negan observed. He took another bite and shoved the top layer of notes aside to see if he had missed anything.

"There's a pretty risk for a lot of casualties taking this place," I said looking over the crude drawings.

Negan nodded "They're holed up in a hotel."

I pressed my lips together. "Do they have power?" I asked. He looked up at me reproachfully when he saw i wasn't eating. I quickly took another bite of my meal.

Seeming placated he turned back to the pages. "Matt didn't say? Why?"

I shrugged gesturing with my fork. "If they have power and those door locks are in place we're going to have a heck of a time getting into the individual rooms. Mosthotels have external doors with steal frames."

Negan grunted and leaned forward shoving more papers aside. "Pretty hard on the old back kicking those doors in," He muttered half to himself.

"Maybe we should just ask really nicely for our friend's stuff back," I suggested only half joking.

Negan laughed. "Haven't had to deal with too many bullies have you?" He asked and he shoved his empty plate aside.

I shook my head. "Most people ended up dead. I'm not really a negotiator."

"Negotiator, huh?" he said thoughtfully, he turned around and rested a hip against the table as he thought. I gave him a few minutes to think it through by himself while I finished eating. When my plate was empty I cleared both of ours and rinsed they in the sink.

When I looked back at Negan he was watching me with a thoughtful expression. "We could always make them an offer," he said shrugging, as though he couldn't think why not.

"One they can't refuse?" I teased and he chuckled. 

"What would be the incentive for them to take it?" I asked. I wasn't entirely familiar with the players and felt like I was too new to the game to really know what the right move was.

Still, Negan looked like he was considering it. "We'd have to make an example of our strength. Once they understand what we're capable of then it would make sense to offer an out...But we would have to figure out how to control the example, plus getting everyone to stop long enough for us to make the offer..."

I nodded. It was a good idea in theory but people's blood would up and not everyone could stop once the fight started. Myself included. 

Negan scrubbed at his eyes. "The problem with that though is if Matt's group finds out we gave the same deal to the assholes who killed some of their people there isn't a whole hell of a lot of incentive for Matty and the boys to play nice in the future."

"Well..." I said cautiously. I wasn't sure how he was going to take my next words. "I guess you have to decide if you're a mercenary or a warlord."

And that really was the difference. We needed to decide first if we were simply able to be bought by whomever paid our fee or if we would honor our agreements with those who bought our allegiance and respect their allies and enemies in turn. Mercenary vs Warlord. 

Negan stared at me for a long moment before he snorted and shook his head. "Ladies choice," he finally said holding his arms out in invitation.

I smirked back at him and he shook his head like he wasn't quite sure what to do with me. My heart started to pound and I bit my lower lip. His eyes followed the motion. 

I forced myself to look away and focus on the issue at hand. When I spoke my voice was a little more breathy than normal. I hoped he didn't notice. "So if they agree to give up and not fight, we take half their stuff. But we choose what we take. That way we're guaranteed to get back Matt's group's stuff. And they owe us...let's say half their finds for six months?" I suggested thinking how rapidly Matt's group had accepted the offer for three months. 

Negan stepped up directly behind me so I could feel the long line of his body warm at my back. He reached around me casually as though he didn't notice the way our bodies brushed against each other. As though he wasn't affected by it and had no idea the effect it had on me. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest however, and I was amazed he couldn't feel it. 

I had to clear my throat twice before I was sure my voice would come out steady. "However, if they fight us, and we're forced to take them out...whoever's left owes a tax. Once a month? People are resources and if we have to expend our resources we need to see a return on our investment."

Negan's chuckle was low in his chest and I could feel it rumble against my back. It made things low in my stomach clench and I had to fight the urge to rub myself against him. "You are scary good at this shit," Negan's voice was a low growl. He leaned closer and his lips were whisper-light along the shell of my ear as he spoke his next words.  "Have I told you how goddamn sexy I find you?" he asked and his fingers skimmed up my sides. 

My eyes fell shut and I shivered. "Not in the last twenty minutes," I managed to say, but my voice was breathy. His fingers teased along the top of my belt, gliding along the sensitive skin just above my hip bones. His lips glided across my neck and I made a sound low in my throat. My head fell back to rest against him and I leaned into his touch. 

He shifted behind me but I was too caught up in the sensations of his hands and lips to care. "Well," He said and his voice sounded almost normal so much so it startled me. His hands tightened on my hips and he spun me around to face him. He stepped into me so his lower body was pinning me to the table. "That is one hell of an oversight," he growled. His eyes were dark with desire.

"Unacceptable," I snapped and I sank my hand into his hair and jerked his head down to mine, kissing him hard. 

Negan was so close I couldn't think of anything else. I shuddered as desire burned through me, the incredible need to touch and be touched by him. I leaned into him, sliding my hands under his jacket so I could feel his warmth. I pressed my hands against him, feeling the outline of muscle through the thin white t-shirt he wore. He shivered and slid his tongue along mine. I jerked his jacket off of him letting it fall to the floor. His hands dropped to my thighs and I sucked in a surprise breath when he picked me up. I locked my legs around his hips and ground myself against him. The layers of denim and leather separating us was unbearable. He moaned into my mouth and spun us around, easily carrying me towards the bed. 

He tossed me onto it and I scrambled up into the center of it, my eyes locked on his as I shrugged out of my jacket and tossed it away from me. He jerked his shirt over his head and threw it across the room. My breath hitched in my chest as he climbed up the bed towards me. His body brushed over the top of me. He held himself up on his forearms as he kissed me, careful not to crush me. He was so much larger than I was it felt like I was surrounded by the scent of leather and sandalwood and citrus. 

Negan pulled back for just a moment. "Is your shoulder, okay?" he asked, concern temporarily overshadowing the passion in his eyes.  

I blinked, not able to think past my desire. Then I shook my head, grunted in annoyance and pulled his lips back to mine. Kissing him passionately as my hands dropped to his belt. 

A chuckle rumbled through his chest and his fingers began working on the buckles holding my shoulder holster in place. He pulled back once more and he grinned down at me. "Is that a yes?" he teased and his fingers glided across the skin just above my belt buckle. 

I shoved my hips towards him demandingly and he chuckled darkly as his clever fingers undid the last buckle.  

"How much time do we have?" I asked. I wasn't willing to take this any farther unless I knew there was going to be some kind of release. I couldn't take adding any more fuel to the fire. 

"Plenty," he promised.  

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I hope you enjoyed it ;)