11.Preparations

Tsu'tey and Maria spend a lot of time telling each other stories about themselves, adventures worth sharing and even personal insights. Tsu'tey told her a lot about his life, his responsibilities and about Sylwanin. It was interesting to get to know him like that, to experience his vulnerable sight. Maria told him about the world she came from, her culture and family. They were on a common ground now. Both accepting each other, but also aware of the differences there were. Of course Tsu'tey was not respectful about tawtute in general, but he learned to appreciate Maria's human side.

''Human who is not human, Na'vi who is not Na'vi. You are a puzzle to Eywa.'' he told her that night. He came up with more questions, especially if she told anyone else about her plans to get rid of her human self. He was suprised to find out that she did not tell Grace or Jake about it, in fact she did not tell anyone besides him ( unintentionally), Ka'ani, Nekawn and the Tsahìk. When he wanted to know her reasoning, she shut down and avoided the topic entirely. He accepted that, as they were not close nor even friends. Barely acquaintances, who felt more for each other than expected.

When it was getting late, Maria proposed to go back to the Kelutral, but he dismissed her, telling her to go without him. In the end he still wanted to ask Sylwanin for advice. Respecting his wishes, Maria left the hunter alone with his thoughts soon enough.

He was smiling at the exchange and also at her respectful demeneor. Unlike Saeyla, who was pushing his limits at all time, she let him be, reminding him of Sylwanin, who always managed to calm his temperamentful outbursts. He had to get rid of these thoughts, and connected his queue to the tree once again.

''Yawntu, it was a long time you last visited.'' her soft voice rang in his head.

''Sylwanin, excuse my recent absence, I had a lot on my mind, and a lot has changed these days. Two dreamwalkers joined the clan, your sister and I were in charge to show them their way. The training was exhausting, in the beginning I felt a deep hatred to them. But I learned more about them, learned about their culture, I could see them for what they were truly. Not like the tawtute that destroyed our school, our land, our Eywa. You know she chose them? Atokirina where covering them when Neytiri found them. I still don't know how they will help us, what path Eywa chose for them, but I hope we can get revenge for you, for Anuk, for Neytep.''

''You speak rather fondly of them Yawntu, but what is it that burdens you?''

''I don't know how to explain, but one of the dreamwalkers, Maria, she reminds me a bit of you. Even though she is a sky person, she is strong, respects our ways, our world. She takes care of others, she..''

''You like her.''

''No it's not..''

''It is Yawntu, and I am happy for you.''

''I am promised to Neytiri. I am to be the Olo'Eyktan. Even if I like her, there is no way for us to be.''

''My dear Tsu'tey, I know what you are thinking. But I am only here within Eywa. I will never be able to be with you anymore. I want to see you happy, and I see how you are behaving when you talk about her. Believe me, I am truly happy for you. I love you. Never forget that. I know you do not love my sister in that way, she is like a sister for you too! Do not worry. Eywa has her ways.''

He did not question her. Instead he relished the fact he could see and hear her again, and he proceeded to tell her stories about the clan and what she missed this whole time. He told her about Grace and how happy he was to finally see his Sa'nok again.

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There was only a week left till the dream hunt, and it left Maria as a nervous wreck. She made a lot of visits to Mo'at, talking about her possibilities to transfer into her Na'vi body entirely and the steps that were needed. The Tsahìk looked into a similar case with the Tipani clan, who were the first to interact with Avatars and humans. Apparently there had been conflicts between the humans and Na'vi, just like it was now happening with the Omatikaya clan (humans never learn apparently), and an Avatar supported their stance. As his human body was dying the Tsahik of the clan managed to transfer his consciousness into his Na'vi body. They would attempt to do the same with Maria, but the chance that she would perish during the ceremony was high.

It was worth it for Maria. A human body that she refused to accept as a reflection of who she really was as a person, as a being. A collective fault that she bore as a human, but of which she could never rid herself, if she would not get entirely rid of her "race". She felt like it was a betrayal, as if she would betray Grace and Jake. Sure she knew it was not true but it still felt like it. If it was not bad, why couldn't she just tell them? They would be happy for her, they were her family!

Her anxiety only grew more and more with the preparations for the dream hunt. Her reality shifted completly to her possible new life and with that she distanced herself even more from Grace, Norm and Jake. Grace especially realised the distance Maria put inbetween herself and the others, trying multiple times to find out what the problem was, to find out what laid so heavy on the womens mind. Conversing with the other humans in their small camp they soon came to the desicion that Maria needed a break from her Avatar form, even if it would be impossible to stop her, they had to try at least.

Their plan started with Grace forcing Maria to eat breakfast. The evening prior to this Jake told Neytiri and Tsu'tey about the plan, so they would not worry about the Dreamwalkers. Both humans tried their best to engage the scientist in a conversation, to no avail. When she got up, Norm stormed into the gathering.

''I need your help with some samples Maria.''

''I am sure you can do it alone.'' she said while lying down in her link bed. Before she could close the lid though she was stopped by Grace.

''Get out kid, I think your body needs some excercise.''

Maria murmured something under her breath but stood up, grumpy as ever, and followed Norm. He managed to occupy her for several hours, as it seemed she forgot time completly while they were studying a few flowers outside their camp. In fact the female realised how much of a passion for science she had, how she loved to analyse samples and to discuss her findings with someone just as passionate. It would be something she would greatly miss as a Na'vi, but she was willing to pay that price. Maria also realised the worried looks Norm would throw at her body, as it was deteriorating rapidly these past few months. Barely eating and no excercise would do that to any body.

''You don't need to worry Norm, I am fine.''

Seeing his shocked expression it was obvious that he was caught off guard. Before he could stammer an apology she continued. ''I know it looks bad, but I feel fine. I really do. It's just that I honestly don't care that much about this body anymore.''

Norm did not expect to hear a confession from the women before him, especially since both of them were not as close as the others.

''What do you mean? You won't be able to drive your Avatar if you fall over dead you idiot.''

''You are right, I should look more after myself.'' she effortlesly lied into his face. She was close to exposing herself, but it did not feel right. She was terrified how he would react. What if he would run straight to Grace, explaining her the situation? They would never allow her to drive her Avatar ever again. She could not risk it, she had to play safe. So she gave into the game the others were playing, hoping that her true intentions would not surface.

The day went on just like it started. Every once in a while someone needed Maria for a urgent matter, hindering her from driving her Avatar. She saw the look of suprise that every single one of them was wearing when she was not protesting. They were certain that she would explode at any moment, that something had to happen but she continued to calmly follow their pleas, suprising them even more. When it was time for dinner Grace could not hold it in any longer.

''You did not try to go back to the linking pod even once today Bondarenko, are you good?''

She had it coming, of course. It was unusual for her not to complain every single second about being stuck in her human body.

''Very good actually. I enjoyed the day, forgot how much I love studying the fauna here on Pandora. Norm opened my eyes on how I was neglecting my body too. It was a nice change.''

Smiling while lying, it became Maria's second nature. She didn't even feel bad anymore after continuing that act this whole day. It seemed her answer satisfied Grace, especially since the focus was on Norm now, denying the praise he just received. The dinner went on with comfortable conversations, something that she would miss too. She realised how she missed out on these little things and even regretted it. But it was too late now, she made up her mind and nothing would be able to change that. She was at peace with it, and she decided to enjoy every single second that was left of this life to the fullest.

''We still have some wine left over right?'' she asked into the round. Met by a lot of confused gazes she had to chuckle.

''Maria Bondarenko, if we knew that it would be so easy to get you back we would have done it sooner! I will get the wine.''

Grace didn't hesitate to grab the few bottles that were left, just happy to see Maria back in her old self. She did not like to admit it but the young women became very dear to her. Grace never had children, but the school for the Omatikaya opened up a new side to her. After the school was closed a huge hole was left in her heart, that was slowly filled by her new ''colleagues''.

They continued the evening by drinking, laughing and playing games. Nobody missed the opportunity to tease Jake about his obvious crush for Neytiri, but he did not accept the teasing easily.

''You shouldn't laugh so hard Maria, as if you are not crushing hard for a specific warrior.''

''How do you even dare to assume something like that? I would never!''

The group didn't let go of that topic for a long time and continued the teasing through the whole evening. It felt like a farewell party to her, even though the others would never guessed that.

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The next morning Maria rushed to the link bed, after breakfast of course. She even left her used dishes on the table to show the others that she did eat. Even if she enjoyed the previous day, her decision did not falter and she could not wait any longer to be in her real body. The body that would save her.

Fluttering her eyes open she realised how alive she felt in that reality. Feeling the huge body again was a blessing, even if she missed only a day, it felt like an entire eternity. It was still early, so most of the villagers where still asleep. Using that possibility Maria descended the Kelutral in direction of the washing area to take her of her Na'vi body and to rebraid her hair again. Enjoying the sounds of nature she took her sweet time in getting ready, there was still enough time till she would join the Tsahik for lectures about the dream hunt.

''And here I was scared you left us.''

Turning around Maria saw the women who helped her the most these last few months, her mother.

''Nekawn.''

The older women just smiled in return and made her way towards the Avatar. Helping her braid her hair they both catched up and told each other stories, like they always did. Before Nekawn took her leave though, Maria grabbed her hands.

''Thank you, sa'nok. You helped me on my path, you made it possible for me to become one of the people, to become part of this clan. I will never be able to repay you for everything you did for me. Thank you, I will continue to make you proud.''

Obviously shocked by the new term, the older women took a moment to react to it. Not being able to say a word, she engulfed the younger women in a warm hug, showing her feelings like that.

''No matter what you do, I will always be by your side. You transformed my life maite.''

Her words gave her strength and most importantly reassured her decision. She could not do anything, besides pulling her mother closer.