Chapter 19-

Riverclan camp looks crushed and sad.

The three apprentices travel over the tiny stream, and then stop at the wide, churning river. Their shadows cast over the water, their reflections staring up at them with worried eyes.

"How are we supposed to cross a stupid stream?" Smoothpaw huffs, frustrated. Her eyes wander to the camp right behind the barrier of the river.

It is barren, stale the dens lined with more or less dead reeds, and the arranged twigs and branches are clumsily thrown together. Sagepaw can see through the dens, seeing cats sleeping on the ground and only a few young-looking cats having a moss nest. The prey pile is pitifully small, the fish sitting in a muddy hole. Sagepaw almost feels bad for the cats, before a snarl sounds behind him. The apprentices whip their heads around, before they see a cat as small as them.

"Wavepaw!" Smoothpaw's mouth breaks into a frown as the snarl escapes her mouth, "Why are you up this late?"

Wavepaw steps back, eyes narrowed, and Smoothpaw quickly looks embarrassed and sits on her flicking. The Riverclan apprentice sits too, a stubborn look on her face. "I could ask you the same question. Why are you on our territory?"

Smoothpaw frowns deeper, and Sagepaw bares his teeth. "Well, you have to take us to Turtlesplash now," Sagepaw says mockingly, "Oh no."

"Hmm," Wavepaw offers a fake smile, "How about no." The she-cat's lip smooths into a line. "Maybe if you tell me why you're on Riverclan land, in the dark, and look like you've fought a pack of angry dogs."

"No." Flickerpaw hisses, turning tail to face the river. "I can swim."

"Flickerpaw-" Smoothpaw calls as Flickerpaw bunches his muscles, peering into the dark swirling water with determination.

"Don't do it," Wavepaw warns, standing with a twitching pelt. Sagepaw's eyes widen as Flickerpaw rolls his eyes, before springing into the air. Into the water. A splash sounds.

Wavepaw rushes towards the water as Flickerpaw bobs, gasping on the surface for air. And then he goes under. Time slows. Another splash sounds. It's Wavepaw, a blur of black on the grayish water. Flickerpaw's head goes under, his legs kicking vigorously.

But he can't seem to move at all, being dragged by the current, into the dark, cold, water...

Sagepaw feels a screech of worry escape from him. "Help!"

Wavepaw's shadow disappears underneath the water. Her head breaks surface seconds later, a few feet forward, and then again, she dives under.

"What's happening?" A Riverclan warrior explodes from camp, eyes shining with worry as they rest on the river, "Wavepaw?"

"Flickerpaw too," Smoothpaw gasps, looking distraught, "Help him!" The Riverclan warrior turns, calling behind his shoulder. And then she dives in.

So much movement ripples the water, but then there is less movement now. A black furred apprentice lies on the shore, Smoothpaw curled around her. Another Riverclan cat, a muscled tom, leaps the river. Was that an option? Why couldn't Flickerpaw think of that?

The tom presses Wavepaw's stomach with a paw, and she coughs watery vomit up. Sagepaw turns back to the water.

Flickerpaw's head goes under again. Seconds pass. Minutes. A tiny, mocking, voice pipes up in Sagepaw's head. Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...

Sagepaw blinks, narrowing his eyes against the sheet of darkness. No, there is nothing. No white pelt, no gasping jaws. The Riverclan warriors disappear under the waves and ripples, not coming up either.

Where is Flickerpaw?

Where are the warriors?

Sagepaw can't breathe.

Wavepaw breathes. She coughs, hiccups, eyes opening. "Lar...Larch...Larchleap?" Wavepaw smiles weakly, "Dad."

Sagepaw turns away again. It's almost gross. He can't stand it.

A Riverclan warrior climbs out of the river as the sky flashes with lightning, and then thunder. Rain drizzles down. "The river's current is too strong," she says gravely, "We can't swim anymore. That apprentice is dead."

Dead. Dead? Dead.

'Flickerpaw' and 'dead' shouldn't go in the same sentence.

"Dead?" Smoothpaw spits, rising to her paws, "What are you talking about? He can't be dead. Keep searching."

"We can't," the she-cat says blankly, "The river might flood, with the rain. It's too dangerous."

"But..." Sagepaw stammers over the sound of thunder, "But...but... Flickerpaw's my brother. You can't let him...pass." Images of Maplekit, eyes locking into his, flash in his mind. Like a flashback. Were...Were they blue? In his thoughts they are blue. The sharp, angry, piercing, blue eyes in Sagepaw's many dreams.

Are those eyes Maplekit's?

"Weedfrown's got him!" A light brown cat who blends in with the darkness grins, "He's got the apprentice!"

Sagepaw's heart fills with relief, and then worry, as Weedfrown hobbles onto the bank, dropping Flickerpaw half out and half in the water. Flickerpaw isn't breathing.

Cats rush forward, pushing on Flickerpaw's stomach frantically. Sagepaw is frozen, staring, hoping that Flickerpaw can mimic Wavepaw's recovery.

But he doesn't.

He chokes up a tiny amount of water. Nothing more. And suddenly, a medicine cat is there, urging Flickerpaw to listen, to cough. His sides are pressed in with quick paws. He musters one pained breath which silences the crowd, but talking resumes as Flickerpaw falls quiet again.

Smoothpaw collapses, tears covering her face. And suddenly Sagepaw is sobbing, loud, ugly sobs. Time is still slowed as Sagepaw's legs give out and he falls, falls, falls, like he did as a kit. But at least then Flickerpaw watched him fall with concern in his eyes and a kit-like voice. Sagepaw can almost remember his little call.

"Sagekit? Brother!"

So much fear and concern and care. But now Flickerpaw's face is a clean slate, his mouth open. Almost curled in pain.

"I need you," Smoothpaw cries, but that doesn't change anything. Death doesn't stop for the needy.

Or does it?

Flickerpaw breathes again, a big, wheezing cough. More water escapes. And then silence. And then another cough. And then real silence, dead silence.

So the question rises again, demanding an answer. As cats step over the two littermates who huddle together, one broken more than the other, Sagepaw shuts his eyes and wonders:

Is Flickerpaw dead?

~~~

"have you ever had a dream that your favorite baby's drowning? and you grab him by his sweater sleeve, pull him up onto the ground. and you can hear the water slosh down inside his tiny gut. push his belly up and down but he can't cough the water up..."

Kimya Dawson, My Mom.

If you know you know ;)