Chapter 10

|Allied Base, Southern Italy||Friday, March 24, 1944|

It had been exactly one month since Bucky's death. Adeline, for the most part, got back on her feet. Steve was always good help when he was around. He had changed though. He was always so focused on Hydra. It had turned into his personal goal to eliminate the whole organization. Adeline supposed that she wasn't the same either. She continued to fight for the cause, though it wasn't for the glory or the liberty of the world, it was for her revenge. She loved the feeling whenever she was sent out in the field. Over the past month, she resorted to training as much as she could. It took her mind off of Bucky and Steve when he was gone. She always had the ring on her. Either on her left hand or, when she was working out, on her dog tags. She never quite let herself forget about him.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead as she hit the punching bag again. This base was one of the more permanent ones with the good pillows, the better food and only the occasional rat. Her favorite was the training room. The room was empty, causing the hits and gasps of effort echo off the wall. If she was lucky, she would be able to see Bucky leaning up against the wall, smiling at her.

"Do you ever sleep?" A voice broke Adeline from her concentration. She huffed, stopping the bag from swinging. She looked over to see a young man with dark hair and a groomed moustache.

"No," Adeline said, returning to the punching bag. Howard Stark was the 'brightest mind' in the war. Adeline couldn't deny that he was bright in the sciences, but when it came to leaving Adeline alone, he failed miserably.

"You know, your reflexes and agility don't match up to your stature," he said, walking in further, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his trousers. Adeline punched again, trying to ignore him. "Especially if you haven't been eating or sleeping," he continued. Adeline stopped to look at him. "We've all noticed." She gave Howard a wary look before focusing her gaze back onto the punching bag, raising her wrapped fists, but she didn't punch as Howard's eyes were still on her.

"What are you really here for?" Adeline questioned, dropping her hands to her side.

"Steve went out on another assignment," Howard said. "I figured you could benefit in some sort of companionship."

"Well, thanks, but I'm good. Great actually," Adeline said, not meaning it. "I'd be even better if you had an assignment for me."

"I just ... I figured since he didn't tell you ..."

"Steve never tells me anything anymore," Adeline said bitterly as she sat down, unwrapping her hands. "He's not exactly the same Steve I grew up with in Brooklyn."

"War changes people," Howard said, sitting next to her. "It's changing you."

"You think I haven't noticed?" Adeline asked, tossing the wrappings to the side.

"Then what keeps you here?" Howard asked. "Go home. Have a life of your own."

"That's what ... James wanted me to do," Adeline admitted. Even now, his name still hurt. She played with the ring absentmindedly on her dog tags. "He wanted me to find someone else back in the states. But, he's the only one I loved and I think I ever will love. I should've told him how much he really meant to me." She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head. "It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Howard insisted. "It's human."

"You know, it's been one month," Adeline reminisced. She figured he knew, but it didn't feel real even as she said it out loud.

"Yeah, and you need some sleep, some warm milk, and a bath, come on," Howard said, standing up, holding out his hand for her to take. She accepted it and they walked out of the training room. She couldn't help but see a bit of Bucky in him.

|Saturday, November 11, 1944|

Adeline was sitting at the bar alone, with only a drink in her hand. Many of the soldiers knew to keep out of Adeline's way when she was in one of her moods. She felt someone sit next to her and order a drink. He must be new.

"I figured you'd already be halfway to the heart of Germany by now," Steve's voice caused her to look up.

"Steve," Adeline greeted. "I figured I would be seeing you in a wooden box. And no, they sent another agent out. Apparently, I need some mental health days."

"That's not a bad idea," Steve said, getting his drink.

"You should take some of your own advice," Adeline countered.

"Yeah, well I'm not one for playing it safe," Steve said.

"Yeah, I know," Adeline said, taking a drink. "When's your next assignment?"

"Tomorrow morning," Steve said. "I figured we could do something tonight, like in the good old days." Adeline snorted, then hiccupped.

"You don't talk to me for weeks on end and now you want to take me out?" Adeline asked.

"We're going after Schmidt tomorrow," Steve said.

"Ah, so it's the next time I see you, you'll be in your custom red, white, and blue box," Adeline said.

"Adeline, please don't make me leave you like this," Steve pleaded.

"What did you have in mind?" Adeline asked with a sigh.

"Well, I hear there's a good swing diner a few blocks from this place," Steve said.

"Steve, you don't know how to dance," Adeline laughed.

"But you do," Steve said. "Tonight is about you, come on." Steve led Adeline diner which was bursting with music. He held open the door, allowing Adeline to walk in. She let herself be absorbed by the music, allowing it to lift her up. She sat at the table with Steve at the edge of the dance floor.

"So," Adeline began, tearing her eyes away from the dancers to look at Steve, "you and Peggy?" Steve's face turned a bright red as he looked very interested in the dancers. "Oh, come on, Steve," Adeline said with a smile. "I like her. I think she's good for you."

"Really?" Steve asked bashfully.

"Yeah," Adeline said. "You deserve something good after all of this."

"And you don't?" Steve asked.

"I had Bucky for almost 27 years," Adeline said. "And I couldn't have been happier -"

"It sounds like you're giving up," Steve said.

"No," Adeline sighed, "of course I'm not giving up. I'm just saying I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how many missions I go on, no matter how many times I pull that trigger, I'm never getting him back. The question is, have you?" Steve stayed silent, watching the dancers spin around on the dance floor.

"How about we get a raincheck on that dance," Steve said, getting up, tossing a few bills on the table and buttoning his uniform.

"Steve," Adeline said, getting up from her seat to try to stop him, but he turned sharply and walked out the door. Adeline sighed, sitting back in her seat, looking at the empty spot in front of her.

"Buck, if you can hear me, I need you to know that Steve has been a pain in my ass since you left," Adeline mumbled.

"Yeah, I can see that," Bucky said, startling Adeline. Bucky took the place of Steve just across the table. Adeline shook her head and took the few bills to order a drink. Lord knew she needed it. When she returned, the empty spot was shortly taken up by Peggy.

"I just saw Steve," she said carefully.

"Oh, yeah?" Adeline asked, taking a drink.

"You know, he does care about you," Peggy said.

"Sometimes it's hard to tell," Adeline said.

"If you'd like, I'm getting a team together. I'd like you to join," Peggy said.

"I thought I was on my mental health break," Adeline laughed, taking another drink.

"Well, by the looks of it, you're not resting as you should be," Peggy said. "So, you may as well be of use."

"What's the objective?" Adeline asked.

"Get Steve in and take over the Hydra base," Peggy said. "All the information is in this folder." Peggy slid across a manila folder with the operation plan. "We leave at 0500 hours," Peggy said. She moved to get up, but Adeline stopped her.

"Peggy," Adeline said and Peggy waited patiently for her to continue. "I know Steve has been wound up pretty tight lately, but thank you."

"For what?" She asked.

"For being there for him. I haven't exactly been the friend he needed when James ... left," Adeline said.

"I'm just doing my job,' Peggy stated, though a slight pink tinted her cheeks.

"I think both you and I know it's more than that," Adeline said with a smile.

"I -"

"No, no, don't worry about it, I won't tell," Adeline said. "Besides, you two are good for each other."

"Thank you," Peggy whispered. Adeline smiled as she got up and left the swing diner.

|Sunday, November 12, 1944|

"Our main objective is to get Captain Rogers in ... alive," Colonel Chester Phillips said.

"And then?" Adeline asked, checking her gun.

"Then we take down the base," he responded.

"Sounds simple," Adeline said, reviewing the map again.

"As simple as a few dozen Hydra tanks can get," the colonel said.

"Colonel, we're ready," a soldier informed, shutting off the radio.

"Alright, move out!" The colonel ordered.

~*~

"Communications room secure!" Adeline shouted down the hallway to Howard. She had never felt more alive as she dragged the bodies of the Hydra soldiers against the wall while Howard walked in. She saw him pale at the sight. Howard was never one for blood and gore but this was war.

"Can you get Steve up?" Adeline asked. She was worried about him.

"I can try," Howard said. Adeline had wanted to go with him, but she knew that it would only prove ineffective. She was to stay on the ground, securing the base. He flipped a few switches until the whole board lit up.

"Okay, good," Howard said. "Now we wait."

"Now we wait," Adeline echoed as Howard left to go help the others.

"I thought I told you to keep an eye on Steve," Bucky's accusing voice rang. Adeline turned to see Bucky standing in the corner, his arms crossed, leaning against the wall.

"I can only do so much, Barnes," Adeline responded, leaning back in her chair. "You know better than anyone he was always too dumb to run from a fight."

"And you're not with him," Bucky said.

"Why are you so annoying today?" Adeline asked.

"No more so than usual, Adeline," Bucky said with a smirk, but when he saw her scowling he rolled his eyes. "I'm kidding."

"Why did you leave?" Adeline asked, looking up at him.

"I had to, doll," he said quietly. "It was my time to go." He gently brushed his thumb along her cheek but she felt nothing. Adeline looked back up at Bucky. He looked real, just like she remembered him.

"But you left me," Adeline said.

"You're strong," Bucky responded.

"Come in, this is Captain Rogers, do you read me?" Steve's voice broke through the speakers, static crackled in his voice but she could hear him. "Come in, this is Captain Rogers, do -"

"Steve!" Adeline breathed, running to the microphone. "Steve, where are you? Are you alright?"

"Adeline, is that you?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, it's me," Adeline said with a relieved smile. "Just hold on, let me get Howard."

"No, Adeline ... I can't land this thing. I'm too far out," Steve said.

"But Steve -"

"Adi, listen to me," Steve said, "I'm sorry. I should've been a better friend to you. I want you to go home after this, have a family. I know you love Bucky, but he would've wanted you to move on. He told me that he loved you, Adeline."

"Steve, don't do this to me, don't leave me," Adeline said, her voice getting thick.

"I'm sorry," Steve said. "I love you and Bucky. Please, go home and live a long life."

"Steve ..." Adeline cried as she felt Bucky's presence behind her.

"Steve?" Peggy's voice sounded as she ran up to the microphone. "Steve, is that you? Are you alright?" Adeline got up from the chair, rushing out of the sudden bustle of the room. She sat in the hallway, her hands laced in her hair.

"Told you he was going to get in trouble," Bucky said. Adeline looked to her right to see Bucky sitting next to her, his arms propped up on his knees.

"You seem pretty calm," Adeline breathed, trying to hold back her tears. Bucky shrugged.

"You should go back in there," Bucky said, nodding to where Peggy was hunched over the control panel. Adeline shook her head.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Come on," Bucky said, getting up, holding out his hand for her. She reached out for Bucky's extended hand, only for her fingers to pass right through his. He looked down sadly as Adeline got herself up, slowly walking into the control room.

"You know, I still don't know how to dance," Steve said with a laugh.

"I'll show you how," Peggy responded shakily. "Just be there."

"You'll have the band play something slow," Steve said. "I'd hate to step on you ..." The line went dead, only static could be heard. Adeline looked up at Bucky who gave her a sad glance.

"Steve?" Peggy asked, tears falling down her cheeks. "Steve."

|Saturday, May 5, 1945|

It had been over a year since Bucky had gone and six months since Steve's death. They had a memorial service, but it wasn't really a closing. They hadn't found either of their bodies which caused Adeline to continued to hold onto them. The war was finally coming to a close and Adeline did the exact opposite of what Steve suggested. She couldn't go back to her normal life. Her past still haunted her, followed her. Bucky, his visits becoming no less frequent, continued to grace Adeline with his presence. She hadn't seen her family since she left for the war. She didn't know if she could face them after all that had happened. She wasn't the same and she knew that.

"Adeline," Peggy greeted as Adeline stored yet another file of a deactivated soldier. The cleanup process after a war was messy.

"Hey, Peggy," Adeline greeted.

"I thought you might want to see this," she said, handing Adeline a folder. She hesitantly opened it, revealing Bucky's file. Over the top sheet there was a big red stamp that marked his deactivated status. His picture was pinned in the corner. It was taken before the war when his eyes shone a glimmer of hope and his hat was just a bit crooked. Adeline looked around for Bucky, spotting him against the opposite wall, smiling at her.

"Thank you," Adeline said, looking back down at the file.

"If you would like, I'm sure the S.S.R. has room for more agents," Peggy said. "Even though the war is over, the world still needs protection."

"Thank you, Peggy but my place is with the M.O.R.," Adeline responded with a sad smile. "And I have some things to sort out at home. Some things with Bucky's family ... And my own."

"I understand," Peggy said. "Just write to me." Peggy gave Adeline a sheet of paper with her mailing address.

"Of course," Adeline responded with a smile. "I look forward to it."

Soon, Adeline was on her way home. She hadn't seen Brooklyn since 1942 and a lot had changed. As soon as she stepped into her hometown, she looked to her right where Bucky was walking beside her.

"Welcome home, Adeline," Bucky said as she walked with the many other soldiers who were returning home. Crowds of people awaited for their loved ones to come home, some holding welcoming signs.

"Welcome home, Bucky," Adeline responded. She rotated the ring on her ring finger thoughtfully.

"We're still having a May wedding, right?" Adeline asked.

"If that's what you want, doll," Bucky responded.

"And we'll have a family, just like you promised?: Adeline asked as she continued to walk.

"Just like I promised," Bucky confirmed. She could almost feel his hot breath on her cheek. "And a white picket fence house." Adeline looked up at Bucky only to see blue sky and a few stray balloons floating higher and higher.

"I'd like that," Adeline whispered.

~*~

Just as Adeline's mother had promised, there was a big homecoming meal. All three of Adeline's brothers were there along with Bucky's family. They were all talking loudly and cheerily while Adeline stared blankly at her untouched plate. The open seat in front of her was soon occupied by Bucky. He smiled as he looked around at the lively table. If he were here, he would jump into any conversation with a lively glint in his eyes while Steve would speak up causing others to get involved.

"Come on, Adeline, you have to eat something," Bucky said but she didn't respond, she simply looked at him. "Don't give me that look, I know what's good for my girl. Maybe we could go dancing tonight. I'm sure there'll be plenty of men just come back from war out dancing. A pretty dame such as yourself won't have any problem finding a man to dance with you."

"I'm going back, you know," Adeline said and Bucky's face fell.

"What, dear?" Marie questioned. Adeline tore her eyes away from Bucky to look to her mother. Everyone at the table looked at her expectantly. Adeline sent a glare towards Bucky who simply shrugged.

"Nothing," Adeline said. "I'm just not hungry. It's been a long day, I think I'm just going to head upstairs and clean up."

"Oh, okay," Marie said as her daughter got up, leaving her untouched plate at the table.

"You know, you're really getting in my way," Adeline said to Bucky who followed her up the stairs.

"I wouldn't be here if you didn't want me to be here," Bucky responded, causing Adeline to turn around, her being one step above him made her look slightly down at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you must want me here, so I am," Bucky said. "This is all in your head, Adeline. They can't see me."

"So I look crazy when I talk to you," Adeline stated.

"Well, yeah," Bucky responded. Adeline rolled her eyes, walking up the rest of the steps, Bucky on her heels. "Let's just go dancing, doll. You don't really mean you want to go back. After all they did to you? I mean, Adi, you're not you anymore."

"I know I'm not me," Adeline responded, closing her bedroom door behind her, beginning to pace the floor. "That's why I can't stay here."

"Of course you can," Bucky said. "It'll just take a little while to get used to it."

"James, cant you see? I don't fit in here anymore," Adeline said, stopping her pacing. "How am I supposed to walk through these streets with another man? How am I supposed to do that without thinking of you and Steve?"

"You'd be surprised what you can do," Bucky said, causing her to start pacing again.

"Why are you even trying to get me to move on? You're the one who loved me," Adeline accused.

"Okay, first of all, could you just stop pacing?" You're distracting me," Bucky said.

"No." Bucky sighed, knowing that he couldn't stop her from pacing even if he wanted to.

"I just want you to be happy," he admitted.

"I was happy. With you!" Adeline said, throwing her hands up in the air. "And recently, the only thing that's been keeping me sane is the M.O.R."

"Adeline?" A soft voice questioned with a knock on the door. Adeline looked toward the door then quieted Bucky before opening it to reveal William.

"William, hey," Adeline greeted, inviting him in.

"William, please tell Adeline that she's being a complete idiot for wanting to get back in," Bucky said.

"Shut up," Adeline said quickly.

"What?" William asked.

"I didn't say anything, what is it?" Adeline responded.

"How are you?" William asked..

"See," Bucky began, "you have people here who love you. Stay here, Adeline."

"I'm alright," Adeline responded.

"I think you're lying," William said.

"What?"

"You just got back from a war, Adeline," William said. "A war that took your fiancé and your best friend."

"He's got a point there," Bucky said. Adeline bit her lip, trying not to lash out.

"Yeah, and I'm fine, that was a year ago," Adeline responded.

"You don't always have to be strong, Adeline," William said. "It's okay to not be alright."

"I said I wanted to take her dancing, but she wouldn't listen," Bucky said.

"Shut it!" Adeline snapped, instantly covering her mouth. "I need to go." Adeline rushed out of the room then out of the house. Her feet carried her to Bucky's old rundown house.

"Do you see what you do to me?" Adeline asked Bucky who was undoubtedly still there as she sat on the steps to his house.

"I think I've known for a while," Bucky said with a smirk, sitting next to her.

"Could you just stop talking? You're making me twitchy," Adeline said. There was no response which signaled his departure. Adeline took a deep breath, calming herself.

"Adeline, what are you doing here, honey?" Winifred, James' mother asked.

"I just wanted to see Bucky's room," Adeline admitted, standing up, trying to pull herself together.

"Of course," she responded, unlocking the front door. Adeline pushed open Bucky's door and it was just as she remembered it. Though it was a bit more tidy than when James was here, it was still his room. There were a few photos on the wall of Adeline, Steve, and Bucky all together. It seemed so long ago. That was before they went to war. That was before everything changed. They still had genuine smiles on their faces and Adeline could actually recognize Steve. Adeline sat on his bed, enjoying the quiet. She looked around the small room. There was still a faint hint of his smell. She spotted a small box that was labeled 'Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes: 107th'. Adeline walked over to it cautiously, taking off the lid. It appeared to be things that he had at the base in Italy. Inside were photos, journals, and stray pieces of paper. Adeline carefully picked through the mess, pulling out an old journal. Its pages were yellowed and the bottom right corner was stained with blood. Adeline swallowed hard, and opened the pages which had to be peeled apart. Bucky's handwriting littered every corner of the pages. She leaved through a few before one caught her eye. It was marked with a black and white photo of Adeline. She read.

December 21st, 1943

Dear Adeline,

I just wanted to say that I love you. There's nothing more in this world that I want other than a future with you. Yet I am terrified that this war might not let that happen. So if it doesn't, I don't want you to be mad. I don't want you to waste your tears. I want you to live your life. I want you to go home and find someone to have a future with and know that I will be there with you every step of the way. And because I said that, I know you are going to do the exact opposite and that's why I fell in love with you, Adeline Marie Adams. So if you can't stay home, then please stay safe.

You were the one that I could never figure out. I could never figure out how all those 'I hate you' s turned into 'I love you' s. And I guess that's part of the mystery that I have to leave unsolved despite the excessive amount of time the army gives me to think. I hope that one day your name will become Adeline Marie Barnes. But if not, I'll see you then.

With love,

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes

"Did you mean it?" Adeline asked as she sat, tears brimming her eyes.

"Every word," came Bucky's soft response. She turned around to see Bucky sitting on his bed. "Adeline, it's time for you to find someone. It's time for me to go."

"No," Adeline said firmly. "No, you can't leave me." She got up, wanting to punch him, only knowing her fist would fly through thin air.

"Adi, you have to live your life," Bucky said, getting up. "Did you not just read that letter? It has been a year - over a year - you have to let me go."

"Then you shouldn't have given me this damn ring," Adeline said, pulling out her dog tags.

"Steve gave that to you so you would remember, not never let me go," Bucky stated, his voice rising.

"How can you expect me to love someone else like I loved you?" Adeline asked heatedly.

"Well, it starts by letting me go, I know that for sure," Bucky said.

"Buck ..."

"I love you." He smiled sadly, placing a hand over Adeline's cheek. Though she couldn't feel it, she could imagine the heat of his hand as his soft fingertips grazed over her skin. Adeline tried to memorize the color of his eyes as he faded from her sight. The last thing she saw of him were his ocean blue eyes and a lasting ringing of a lost 'I love you'.