Is this for real?

The Diaz's had just gotten the all-clear from the doctor a few days ago for everything except the feeding tube because Millie was still throwing up more than she was eating. Her doctor had made the appointment for five days after her last one - to see if, at that point, they could remove it. 

Millie wanted the appointment to be good news; she hated the feeding tube and felt like a constant worry in her father's life. And especially Buck's. Buck had been spending a lot more time at the Diaz house, helping out with the kids and just spending time with the three of them. He'd offer to help with making sure Millie actually kept her food in and cleaning her injuries, so the only thing Eddie ever worried about was baths. It'd been weeks, and Millie still wouldn't shower, only taking baths and taking them if it was Eddie or Maddie helping her. She trusted Buck, but her eyes never left her dad's or Maddie's hands the whole time she was in the bath. Millie didn't want to do that anymore, especially to someone else.

For the first couple of weeks after returning to California, Millie followed everyone's hand movements. It didn't matter who it was; she didn't trust anyone. After a while, she slowly started to look away and do other things, but she still glanced at their hands more than she looked away. Eddie noticed, but he never mentioned it to her or anyone else. He knew that she was doing it because it made her feel safer.  

+

+

The night before Millie's appointment, Eddie had pretty much begged Abuela if the kids could spend the night with her. Millie had one of her episodes; her room became a mess, and things ended up broken. Eddie had to wrap his arms around her to calm her down. She hadn't been away from Eddie overnight since she got home. Still waking up from nightmares every night, Millie always ended up sleeping in Eddie's bed. Or, if Buck happened to be at the Diaz house, Millie would crawl onto the couch with him or beg him to stay in her room.  

Abuela had agreed to have the kids, promising them sweets and a trip to the market the next day to look for Christmas decorations. Eddie dropped them off after his shift at the station, leaving quickly to avoid another episode with Millie. 

All was going fine - until it came time for the children to go to bed. 

It was after midnight when Millie fell asleep at Abuela's, her face wet with tears. It took several attempts with her grandmother going in and out before she fell asleep. 

+

+

Millie walked ahead of Abuela and Chris, stopping at the table filled with Christmas decorations. Her eyes lingered on two stuffies—a gingerbread man with a green bow and a gingerbread woman next to him with a red bow on her head. "Did you find something, Mija?" Abuela stopped next to the girl.

"Can I get the gingerbread stuffies?" Millie asks, watching Christopher look at the table.

"Go ahead, mi amor." Abuela smiles.

Millie grabs them both before smiling back at Abuela. "Thank you," she whispers. 

Abuela pats Millie's shoulder as she steps around her to help Christopher. 

"Can we get these? Dad is the big tree, and Millie and I are the little ones." Christopher grins widely, pointing to the trees that Millie had ignored. 

"Of course, Mi Amor," Abuela says, grabbing the trees. 

The line to check out was long, and Millie was anxious about getting home. She knew that Eddie was supposed to pick them up from Abuela's, but she hoped they could go home from the store. "Abuela, can we go home? I want to go home, " Millie whispered, leaning closer to her grandmother. 

"Your father is going to pick you up in two hours," Abuela says, moving forward slightly. 

"¿Por favor?" Millie whispers, giving Abuela her sweetest smile. 

"Alright, mi amor, I'm convinced." Abuela grins, her hands on Millie's face as she leans down to kiss her forehead. 

+

+

"Daddy?" Christopher calls out as Millie runs into the house ahead of her brother and grandmother. 

"Eddito?" Abuela calls, setting Christopher's crutches on the back of the couch. 

The house was silent except for Christopher repeating 'Dad' as he moved to knock on Eddie's bedroom door. Millie sat on the couch, resting her head on the armrest. "Daddy?" Christopher says, his fists knocking against Eddie's door. 

Millie closes her eyes and listens as Eddie comes out and helps Christopher to the couch. Abuela had set the bags on the coffee table and was pulling things out. "Hey buddy, I thought I was supposed to pick you guys up from Abuela's?" Eddie grinned as he picked Christopher up. 

"Oh, they were so excited about decorating that they couldn't wait to get home." Abuela lies easily. 

Eddie's eyes moved to Millie, who had pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and was half asleep. "Hey, you alright, Mija?" Eddie asks, bending down to kiss Millie's head. He feels her forehead with the back of his hand and sighs.  

"We should check her temp," Eddie sighs as he looks toward his bedroom again. 

Millie's eyes follow his, but she can't see anything. 

"Did you have company?" Abuela asks Eddie, pointing at the two empty wine glasses on the table. 

"What?" Eddie glances at them before clearing his throat, "You know I'm not the best housekeeper."  Eddie shrugs, and Millie wants to throw the glasses at the wall. 

Someone had been here, and since there weren't any beer bottles still there, she knew that it was not Buck. 

"Liar," she mumbled, turning so her face would be hidden on the couch. 

+

A few days later, Eddie and Millie return to the firehouse for the Toy Drive. Millie is finally not sick anymore, and the feeding tube is gone for good. Millie had thrown up for two days straight after the tube was removed. She wasn't eating, but her doctor had informed Eddie that it was possible she'd be sick. He stayed home with her for four days, giving her little food until she could keep what she ate down for over three hours. On the fourth day, she'd been keeping everything down for the entire day.

Millie couldn't wait for her life to return to normal, especially with Christmas in less than a week. 

With Christmas around the corner, Millie was running all over the place at the fire station. She'd helped Hen and Maddie decorate a tree in the loft area, and Buck lifted her on his shoulders so she could hang up the lights on the walls. Not a single person was sad this Christmas season except for Maddie. Millie hadn't said anything to anyone because she didn't want to be wrong, but Maddie had been acting weird while they decorated the tree a few days ago. 

And there was no way Millie was going to ask Maddie. So, instead, she had drawn pictures for her every day, hoping they'd cheer her up. She didn't know it herself, but Maddie kept every single one in a safe place. They did help lift her mood, even just a little. 

++

With Christmas in just five days, Millie was anxious. She'd been locked in her room on Thanksgiving, sick and angry. Christmas was the first holiday she'd be celebrating since coming home, and she wanted everything to be perfect. She wasn't sick anymore, and the episodes she was having were few and far between. (for now, Hehe) 

"Hey, kiddo, what are you doing?" Bobby asks, ruffling Millie's hair.  

"Coloring this for Daddy," Millie grins, holding up the Christmas picture. 

"It looks wonderful. Dad is going to love it," Bobby says. 

"When can I go help downstairs?" Millie asked before Bobby walked away. 

"They're setting up the last few things, and then I'm sure Buck and Chimney would love to have you help with snacks and hot chocolate." 

Millie grins as she writes 'For daddy, love Millie' on the picture. She's half down the stairs when she spots a familiar woman approaching Eddie. 

Eddie looks up as Shannon hands him a huge toy firetruck. Millie sees the moment it hits him, who is standing there. "Shannon, what are you doing here?" 

Millie can feel the awkwardness between her father and Shannon from the stairs. "You won't answer my texts or return my calls," Shannon says. 

"Is this for real?" Millie says, her voice louder than she meant. 

Eddie's head snaps toward her, and he covers his face before turning back to Shannon. 

"This is not the place." His arms fall back to his sides. 

Millie ambles down the rest of the stairs, stopping when she's standing behind Eddie. She glares at Shannon as she talks. Someone hands Eddie another toy, and he tries to be normal while Shannon stands there. "Maybe it's the perfect place. We can actually have a conversation that doesn't end up with us in bed." 

"What?" Millie shouts, her mouth wide open. 

"Get out of here; this has nothing to do with you." Shannon snaps, her eyes narrowing as she looks at Millie. 

"I hate you! And I hate you! You are a liar!" Millie shouts, her casted arm hitting Eddie over and over. 

"Buck? Help, please?" Eddie says, nodding toward Millie as he struggles to grab her arms. 

Buck grabs Millie's arm and pulls her away. "Follow me," Eddie says to Shannon. 

"Let go of me!" Millie screams, her arms flying toward Buck. He isn't quick enough, and Millie hits him right in the eye with her casted arm.

Every single person in the firehouse was watching them. They all watched Millie's episode, shaking their heads. They probably thought she was a spoiled kid who didn't get what she wanted. 

They'd be right. Because, for some reason, Shannon Diaz had walked in here and taken her father from her all over again. 

"Fuck!" Buck says, his hand on his eye. 

"Are you alright, Buckley?" Bobby says. 

"I'm fine, Cap." Buck waves him off, and he stands face-to-face with Millie. 

Millie is standing still in shock. She didn't mean to hurt Buck. She'd never hurt anyone other than her dad before during an episode. Buck and her dad were going to be so mad at her. She makes a last-second decision. She turns and runs off. 

"Millie! Wait!" Buck shouts, running after her.   

Buck chases Millie for half a block before she stops, her arms wrapped around her stomach and her breathing quick. "Millie?" 

"Leave me alone! Please!" Millie sobs, her back to Buck. 

"Come on, kid, your ribs hurt, don't they?" Buck asks. 

Millie ignores him, falling to her knees instead. "You can't breathe correctly. And your ribs hurt. You feel like you are going to be sick." Buck continues talking, moving slowly toward the kid. 

"Stop it!" Millie whispers, "You feel like you're going-" Buck doesn't stop. 

"Stop! Stop it!" Millie shouts, turning around and pushing Buck away. 

"I'm not mad at you. You're just upset. You didn't mean to hit me, right?" Buck says. 

"Stop!" 

Buck touches her arm, and she tries to push him away again, but he's ready this time, and he wraps his arms around her. Millie finally gives up. She collapses in Buck's arms, full-on sobbing as he tries to calm her down. 

By the time Buck walks back into the fire station, Shannon is gone, and Eddie is back at the table collecting toys. "Are you guys okay?" Eddie asks, pointing at Buck's already bruising eye. 

"Yeah, she didn't do it on purpose, right, Millie?" Buck asks, setting her on her feet. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a problem." Millie whispers as her eyes are on the floor.

"I know, kid," Eddie whispers, pulling her into his side. 

"Go on up to the loft. Cap says we can go when the toy drive is over." Eddie says, kissing her forehead. 

+

Two days before Christmas, Eddie thought taking his kids to the Christmas event in town was a good idea. He regretted it almost instantly. Millie hadn't slept at all the night before, no matter what he did to try to get her to sleep. He ended up giving her the iPad so he could rest. Two hours was all he got. Christopher woke up at eight am with at least an entire night's sleep.

"We're going to be late! Let's go." Eddie shouts, packing stuff for both kids into a backpack. 

"I don't want to go!" Millie whined, still sitting on the couch. 

"I already promised your brother, and Buck is waiting on us." Eddie sighs, his hands moving quickly to tie Christopher's shoes. 

"I can stay by myself." 

"No, you can't; you can't even reach the cups." Eddie chuckles as if she were joking. 

"Wanna bet?" Millie says, skipping into the kitchen. 

"Don't get on the counters! Unless you'd like two broken arms!" Eddie shouts, knowing that she'd listen to that. 

Only Millie doesn't. She gets onto the counter and huffs. She grabs one of the cups before sitting down to jump off the counter. "What are you doing?" Eddie says, his voice loud, causing her to drop the glass. 

The glass shatters on the floor, and Millie's head snaps to look at Eddie. He's standing in the doorway, just staring at the broken glass. His breathing picks up just a little, enough that Millie notices. A normal person would never have. She never would have, at least not before everything. 

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to sh-" 

"Go get your shoes on. I don't want to hear it," Eddie says, stepping over the glass to grab her. 

Millie doesn't wait. She runs straight past Christopher until she's in her room. Closing the door, Millie stands in the middle of her room, breathing fast. She only wanted to prove to her father that she could be alone for a couple of hours. He never let her do anything on her own.

In thirty seconds, Millie's room is destroyed all over again. Eddie had just cleaned it the day before from her last episode. "Millie?" Eddie's voice calls through the house. 

Millie sighs, looking around her room. She was in so much trouble. But she didn't care. 

The door opens before Millie can get to it, and Eddie huffs when he notices the mess. 

"I'm getting tired of this, Millie. What'd I tell you last time?" Eddie asks, kicking stuff out of his way to her closet. 

"To stop throwin' my stuff," Millie mutters.

"Right, so what happened just now?" Eddie asks, grabbing her boots. 

"I got mad," Millie shrugs, pushing past Eddie. 

Eddie runs his hands over his face before he follows his daughter. He quickly texts Chim and Bobby before helping the kids into the truck. 

+ 

Eddie and Buck sat on a bench, Millie asleep between them, as Christopher waited in line to see Santa. Eddie had wanted to leave more than once today because Millie was not feeling it, but he'd either walk away with her or Buck would take her somewhere for a while. 

Eddie didn't want Christopher's entire day to be ruined. Chris asks Millie to be nice because he wants to see Santa with her. She'd told Christopher to leave her alone; she would not sit on an old man's lap. Millie thought it was weird. She also thought Chris would understand she'd never go near a stranger again. 

Millie fell asleep during dinner, her head in Buck's lap as the rest ate. Eddie and Buck took turns holding both kids until they dropped Christopher off in line for Santa. 

"So you're not gonna say anything?" Eddie asks, his gaze still fixed on Christopher. 

"About what?" Buck shrugged, but he knew what Eddie meant. 

"You know what," Eddie sighs. 

"I figured it was none of my business," Buck says, glancing down at Millie, who started squirming. 

"It's not," Eddie says. 

Buck doesn't say anything. He waves to Christopher. "It just happened, okay? It's not like I planned it." Buck raises a brow at his friend. 

"I never said you did." 

"I only contacted her because I needed help getting Chris into this new school." 

"Understandable," Buck says. 

Eddie explains his reasons for sleeping with the woman he is still married to. 

"I made her sneak out the other day so they wouldn't see her," Eddie says. 

"You're trying to protect your kids. She ran out on Christopher, right?" 

"I ran out first. On all three of them." Eddie sighed, turning his attention to Millie, who was still squirming and making a sound almost like she was crying. He grabs her hand, and she calms down for now.

"See, when Christopher was first diagnosed, I was in Afghanistan. Right at the end of my tour. Instead of going back home, I re-enlisted. I told myself it was to pay the bills." 

"But you were running away, too," Buck confirms. 

Another minute passes, and Christopher is on his way towards his family when Millie wakes up suddenly and tries to get away from Eddie and Buck. She ends up on the ground, and tears fall quickly. 

"Millie, what the hell happened?" Eddie asks, reaching for her. 

"NO!" She sobs, pushing his hands away from her. 

"Okay, take your time," Eddie says, his hands up in surrender. 

"Hey," Buck said, pointing at Christopher. 

Both of them stand, greeting Chris. "How'd it go, pal?" Eddie asks. Christopher tells him he had fun. 

"Millie, we're going home now," Eddie says, stopping in front of her with Christopher in his arms. 

Millie ignores him, her head in her lap as she mumbles. 

"Go ahead, we'll catch up," Buck says, kneeling beside Millie. 

"Excuse me," The woman who had walked with Christopher tapped Buck's shoulder. 

"You two have adorable kids." She smiles at Millie, who looks up at the woman, confused. 

Buck was also confused. "Um," he paused, "Thank you." He looked back at Millie, "Come on, let's go home." He grabbed her hand. 

+

+

Eddie gets Christopher into bed back home while Buck and Millie sit at the kitchen table. Buck is helping with math homework, so Eddie grabs two beers and water before joining them. 

"Twenty minutes, then you need to get ready for bed," Eddie says, setting the water in front of Millie. 

"Are you staying, Buck?" Millie asked. 

"Not tonight, kid. I have some stuff going on tomorrow." 

"Oh, cool." Millie shrugs, "Is this right?" She asks, sliding her math book toward Eddie. 

+

"Bye, Buck!" Millie waves from the living room window as he leaves. 

"I love you!" Buck waves back. 

"Alright, kiddo. Go get ready for bed," Eddie says, touching her shoulder. 

Eddie remembers his text to Chim earlier that day, the exact moment Millie opened her bedroom door. "Millie?" he calls, quickly approaching her. 

"Where's my stuff?" Millie asks, her voice shaky. 

"It's in storage," Eddie sighs, resting one of his hands on Millie's shoulder. 

"Why? Give it back!" Millie demands, glaring at him. 

"Once you can calm down without destroying everything in your room, you'll get it back," Eddie explains. 

"NO! Give it back now!" Millie shouts. 

Eddie stays silent, letting her show her emotions. He knew she needed to, especially when she started therapy after Christmas. Eddie did not want to send an uncontrollable kid to therapy. Millie begs for her stuff back until after ten. Eddie had no clue how she lasted so long, but he sat outside her room, the door closed, until she was finally silent. 

Opening the door, he finds the clothes that were once in the dresser and closet covering the floor. Millie is lying on a pile of clothes, asleep. Eddie sighs and works quickly, returning all her clothes before moving Millie to bed. 

After showering and changing into his pajamas, he sits at the table, staring blankly at the wall. Millie was clearly suffering. She won't talk about what happened to her when she was in Washington. She has nightmares every night, and she has these episodes during the day. 

It was becoming a problem for everyone. Eddie wasn't able to leave anyone at home with Millie. Taking her on his shifts worked most of the time, but usually, she'd end up attached to Eddie, begging him to be the man behind every single time the alarm went off. 

He hoped that she'd get better when she started therapy in January. For everyone's sakes.  

+

+

*Christmas Morning *

Millie woke up on Christmas morning alone in her father's room. She looked at his clock - two minutes before it was supposed to go off. Christopher was going to be awake any second. She held her casted arm against her stomach, wincing from the pain she'd been ignoring for days. 

"Dad! Dad!" Christopher starts calling out from his room, and Millie follows his voice. 

"Hey, Chrissy!" She grins, climbing onto his bed. 

"It's Christmas! Do you think Santa brought us what we asked for?" Christopher grinned at his sister as she turned off his alarm clock. 

"I sure hope so. Let's go find Dad." Millie grabs Christopher's hand, and they walk into the hallway. 

"Daddy?" Millie calls out, patiently walking with Christopher. 

The house was silent. Millie noticed the arrows leading to the front door seconds before Chris did. She stared at them in confusion. They led outside, which was even more confusing. 

Why were they going outside? 

"Dad?" Christopher calls louder. 

Millie opens the front door, and Eddie is grinning at them. "Oh man, you guys look so cute in your matching pajamas, " Eddie grinned, pulling both kids into a hug. 

Millie ignored him, her attention going to the giant tree in their front yard. "Go on, Chris, go see," Eddie says, wrapping his arm around Millie's shoulders. 

"Why can't I go too?" Millie huffed. 

She got her answer before Eddie could speak. Shannon Diaz walked out from behind the tree. 

"Mommy! Mommy!" Christopher shouted, a little pep in his step as he finally reached his mother. 

Millie shoved Eddie away from her, glaring at him. "Is this for real?" She asked. 

Millie could say whatever she wanted at that moment, considering her father had all of his attention on his son and wife. Millie backed up the door before she ran inside, slamming the door closed. 

Eddie snaps out of it when the door is slammed. He looks between the front door and the reunion in the front yard. In the end, he left Millie alone for the time being. Once inside with Christopher and Shannon, Eddie leaves them in the living room. Heading toward Millie's room, he knocks on the door. 

No answer. 

He opens the door, peering into the room. Millie is sitting on her bed, her back facing the door. 

"Hey, kiddo. We're going to open presents. Come on." 

"No." Millie huffs. 

"Am—Millie, please don't do this today." Eddie sighs, leaning against the door frame. 

"I don't want to see her. I want to go to Maddie's." Millie snaps. 

"And Maddie wants to spend time with her family. You'll see everyone else later, either way." 

"I want to go now!" She shouts, looking back at Eddie. 

Eddie sighs when he sees Millie's red face. Wet with tears, her face quivered as she looked at her father. 

"I'm sorry, but you either join us now, or you wait until later for presents." Eddie shrugs, leaving the decision up to Millie. 

When he leaves, he leaves the door open. Eddie, Shannon, and Christopher wait for ten minutes, but Millie doesn't come out. They open presents without her. 

Millie doesn't leave her room for the entire day. Eddie thought she would have, considering she had absolutely no toys in her room. Every time he checked on her, she was sitting at her desk, a notebook open in front of her. 

Millie had never felt so alone, not even when she was in Washington. 

+

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I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE!! I actually feel like the biggest jerk ever. My last update was in October. I also went on vacation in October and didn't bring my laptop. I knew it was going to mess me up. It did, in fact, mess with my writing schedule. But I'm back. I'm once again not working, so hopefully I can start to update every week until I do start work again. 

The next chapter will either be very long or split into two chapters; I haven't decided yet. But new character alert!!!! Kind of a new point of view. It will be focused on the new character, and then once this entire thing is written out, it'll be like the chapters before. (I've got no idea if any of that even makes any sense.) 

- kam :) <3 

Slight Edits: March 2026