THIRTY THREE

(Seorin's POV)

2 weeks later...

  "Um, I'm not sure the sugar goes there," Ji Hun said, suddenly catching hold of my arm. I blinked and looked down, realizing that I had been in the process of putting the container of sugar into the microwave instead of the cupboard.

  "I didn't know you liked your sugar microwaved," Ji Hun joked. I gave him a small, weary smile and his face softened. "Here, let me do it," he gently took the container from my hands and put it into the cupboard above my head.

  "Thanks, " I said "I don't know what's wrong with me." I sighed and leaned against the counter.

  Ji Hun gave me a worried look. "How about you go and sit down?" he asked "A-yeong and I can finish up here. Right A-yeong?"

  A-yeong looked up from the other end of the kitchen where she was unpacking the glassware. "Yeah, sure. Go have a rest."

  "No it's ok, I'll stay. Besides, it's you guys who should rest," I pointed out "You've been here since morning, helping me with the move. How can I just sit and let you do all the work?"

  "That's what friends do. We'll finish up here, we're almost done anyway. Now shoo!" she made a shooing motion with her hands. I hesitated and Ji Hun put his hands on my shoulders and firmly steered me out of the door. Once we were in the living room, he turned to face me.

  "Seorin," he bent down to meet my eyes and cupped my face gently. "I know you are exhausted. Give yourself a break. Don't think about him and keep hurting yourself." Before I could say anything, Ji Hun dropped a quick kiss on my forehead before straightening up and walking back into the kitchen. I stared at him in surprise, wondering how he had known.

  It was true that I had been feeling very tired lately, though not just physically. My heart felt so heavy, it weighted down my entire body, like every particle in me was coated in lead. There was only one thing I could think of and no matter how hard I tried to forget and move on, it didn't work.

  I sighed and pushed the miserable thoughts from my mind as much as I could. I slowly crossed the living room and went into my bedroom. My suitcases and a couple of other bags were by the foot of the bed and I decided that I might as well unpack them. I hoisted the bags onto the bed and got to work.

  I had stayed with A-yeong for a few days until I could find a place to stay. Luckily, one of my colleague's relative was renting a small apartment and she immediately called me. The place was small but cozy and it was quite near Cosmic. The rent was reasonable so had I moved in. A-yeong and Ji Hun had come to help me get settled in. 

  I let my mind drift as I hung up my clothes in the wardrobe. As I grabbed the last sweater, my eyes fell on something at the bottom of one of the suitcases. I put down the sweater and picked the object up. I looked at it for a minute and then sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling a lump in my throat.

  It was the teddy bear Sehun had given me. It was pink and small and fluffy. Teddy bears weren't really my thing but I had kept it because he had given it to me. That day felt like it was a million years ago and was probably the day I started falling for him, even without my knowledge.

~Flashback~

   I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath to collect myself. "That jerk, Oh Sehun!" I cursed between clenched teeth as I wiped my eyes. "That stupid, insensitive jerk! I might actually kill him one of these days."  

  "Is everything ok?" a voice asked and I saw Ji Hun walking towards me.

  "Yeah," I said with a small smile.

  Ji Hun leaned on the wall next to me. "You don't look ok. What happened?"

  "Nothing." 

  Ji Hun looked at me silently for a minute, nodded and then changed the subject. We talked for a good 15 minutes and I suddenly saw Sehun striding up to me. I ignored him but he stopped in front of me and thrust a gift bag at me.

  "What's this?" I asked in surprise.

  "It's for you."

  "Why?"

  Sehun looked uncomfortable. "Just take it," he urged.

  I took the bag and pulled out a bubble tea and a fluffy teddy bear. "You bought these for me?" I asked in surprise and I saw a pink tinge creeping into his cheeks. His bangs were falling into his eyes and I was suddenly aware of just how good he looked. There was an odd feeling in my stomach.

  "No. There was a 'Buy 1 get 1 free' offer," he said. 

  "What about the teddy bear?"

  "Came with it," he shrugged, the pink colour of his cheeks deepening. Cute. "Do you like it?" he asked, searching my face anxiously.

   I smiled. "Yes. I can't believe you did something nice."

   He shrugged. "Oh, I'm nice. I simply ooze niceness. It's only for special people though."  My heart gave an odd leap when he said that. Then he went red and stuttered, "Uh- not that you're special."

  ~Flashback ends~

  Apparently, I wasn't special then and I wasn't special now. I looked down at the teddy bear who was smiling up at me. And to think that I actually thought I meant something to him... I sighed. Why am I so stupid?  

  I remembered all the times I had been flustered by something he did or said. It was my fault that I got hurt- I had been delusional and created a relationship that had clearly been one sided. Sehun plainly had no feelings for me.

  But why did he lead me on??!  I glared at the teddy. Wasn't he the one who suddenly started acting sweet and caring and turned up to protect me all the time? Wasn't he the one who always insisted on driving me home or giving me a home when I didn't have one? And what about the time he tried to kiss me in the dressing room? What was that about? Did he do all that to make me think he liked me so he could just kick me out of his life when he grew tired of his little game?

  I gritted my teeth in anger and glared at the teddy bear. "Oh Sehun, you jerk!" I hissed, wrapping my hands around the bear's neck.  "You thought it was funny to play with my feelings like that did you? You just wait, I will make you pay." I tightened my grip on the bear's neck furiously.  "I'm going to wipe that stupid, obnoxious, I-don't-care-about-anything-or-anyone expression from your stupid, handsome face!"

  I flung the teddy across the room and it flew through the air before smacking on to the opposite wall. It fell to floor, still smiling. I felt a scream building up in my chest. Livid, I grabbed the pillows off my bed and sent them flying across the room towards the bear. All the anger and hurt I had locked up inside me for the past fortnight came exploding out. 

  I strode across the room and came to the bear. "You. Stupid. Piece. Of. Shit." I brought my foot down on the toy with each word. "I. AM. GOING. TO. FREAKING. BREAK. YOUR. FACE!" One of the bear's eyes fell out. I bent down and picked up the trampled teddy. It was smiling like it was enjoying my tantrum. Probably like how Sehun is enjoying me being hurt. That douchebag!

  "GO TO HELL!!!" I screamed as I hurled the bear towards the door, just as A-yeong opened it, carrying a mug of coffee. The teddy smacked her full in the face.

  "OW! " she cried, looking alarmed "Seorin? Are you ok?"

  "NO, I'M NOT! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OK?!" I yelled "Why do people ask me that all the time?! Would you be ok if the guy you love says that he wants you out of his life?" I clenched my fists, breathing heavily.

  A-yeong stared at me. At her feet, that stupid bear was still smiling at me. I growled and strode towards her. A-yeong flinched and stepped back. I picked up the bear and stalked out of the room.

  A-yeong followed me hesitatingly. "Isn't that the teddy bear Sehun gave you?"

  "Yes. And I'm throwing it out," I replied through clenched teeth. "I am over him! I'm moving on! I am not going to mope around because of a bastard like him."

  "Um, are you sure you want to throw that away?" A-yeong asked tentatively.

  "YES!" I flung open the front door of my apartment and came face to face with Ji Hun who was carrying a bag of take out for dinner. He stared in surprise as I shoved him aside and thundered down the stairs. Once I came out of the building, I swung around to the alley at the side. In the corner of the alley was a dumpster and into that I hurled the teddy. I am over you, Oh Sehun!

  I stood in the middle of the gloomy alley, breathing heavily. I suddenly felt all alone. Now that all the anger and hurt had drained out of me, there was only a feeling of emptiness left. 

  (Ji Hun's POV)

  Seorin let herself into the apartment slowly and A-yeong and I went up to her worriedly. She looked so pale and miserable, my heart ached.

  "Are you ok?" I asked her gently. She didn't answer and instead moved mechanically past us to her room and shut the door. A second later, a muffled sob drifted through the door. A-yeong and I shared worried looks.

  "She's crying," I said stupidly.

  "I know," A-yeong replied.

  "I'll go talk to her," I said, starting to walk towards Seorin's room but A-yeong held my arm.

  "I'll go," she said and knocked on Seorin's door softly. "Seorin? Can I come in?"

  There was no answer. Instead, another heart wrenching sob was heard. A-yeong twisted the doorknob and gently pushed the door open. I caught sight of pillows flung on the floor and Seorin sitting at the foot of her bed with her face buried in her hands, before the door swung shut behind A-yeong. I leaned against the door, feeling concerned.

  There was a murmur of A-yeong's voice as she tried to calm Seorin down and after some time, the sobbing subsided. I heard A-yeong ask, "Do you feel better now?"

  There was a sniff and a moment of silence. Then Seorin said, "A little. It doesn't hurt as much, now."

  "It's good that you let it all out," A-yeong said "You've been bottling it up too much."

  "But it does hurt still. I thought I could be mad at him and hate him. I thought that I would be able to move on then."

  "Did it work?" A-yeong asked gently.

  "No. I just feel sad and empty," Seorin's voice cracked " I can't hate him. No matter how hard I try."

  There was silence. Assuming that their conversation was over, I started twisting the doorknob, meaning to join them, but as I was doing so, Seorin spoke again.

  "I still love him as much as I did before, and there will be no changing that."

   I let my hand fall from the doorknob, feeling my heart clench.

  Seorin continued, "But he obviously doesn't like me back. I want to move on, but I'm not sure I know how."

  "You can find someone else," A-yeong suggested.

  "Someone else?" Seorin asked "You mean Ji Hun?"

  "Yeah. He's a good guy and will not hurt you. And I know that he loves you very much."

  "I don't know... I don't want to use him to forget Sehun."

  "Don't you like him even a little bit?" A-yeong inquired and I leaned closer to the door.

  "Only as a friend," Seorin replied and I sighed. It's no use... I will never have a chance. Then Seorin asked, "Do you think he would help me forget Sehun?"

  "I think so."

  "But I feel bad using Ji Hun like that."

  "Well, didn't he ask you out again after you left the dorm that day?" A-yeong asked.

  It was true. I did ask Seorin out right after we left the dorm. I told her that I would look after her and never do anything to hurt her, that I would do my best to make her happy. I told her that it didn't matter if she didn't like me and that just having her with me would be enough. But she had given me a sad smile and shaken her head. I didn't want to pressure her so I never mentioned it since. And now I was feeling involuntarily hopeful again.

  "Well, yes..." Seorin was saying "Do you think I should say yes to him?"

  My heart started pounding wildly.

  "It's your choice," A-yeong said

  There was a moment of silence in the room. Then Seorin spoke, "I still don't like the idea of using Ji Hun. But I will say yes to him only if he asks me out again. Chances are that it won't happen, and if it does, I guess I would feel less guilty. By the way, don't tell Ji Hun I said that ok?"

  "Ok," A-yeong replied "Let's go eat dinner before the food gets cold. You're probably hungry after that little tantrum of yours."

  There was a laugh and I heard the girls moving towards the door. I backed away from the door quickly. When Seorin and A-yeong came out, I was casually standing at the table.

  "Hey, ready for dinner?" I asked laying out plates and trying to keep my voice as normal as possible. Thoughts were whirling around in my mind like a whirlwind. I might have a chance! I might actually have a chance! Seorin could be my girlfriend!

  We sat down to dinner but I was hardly aware of what I was eating. The only thing I could think of was what I had heard. If I ask her out, she'll say yes. I can ask her out right here, right now and she would become my girlfriend. She'll finally be mine.

  But... Seorin's words came back to me, "I still love him as much as I did before, and there will be no changing that."

  I looked across the table at Seorin. She had her head lowered over her food, a strand of hair falling over her eyes. She reached up and pushed it back, looking up and catching my eye while doing so. Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed but she gave me smile before returning her attention to her food. My heart gave an odd twinge and I felt inexplicably sad.

  Dinner finished and A-yeong left first, saying that she had some work to take of. After she had departed, I bid Seorin goodbye too. As I exited the building, I stopped abruptly. After a moment of indecision, I cut across to the alley and made my way to the dumpster.

  Thankfully, it hadn't been emptied and after rooting around for a few seconds, I found what I was looking for. I pulled out the little pink teddy bear. It was dirty and missing one eye. I dusted it and stared at it for a few minutes. I can just leave it. Sehun gave it to her. I can just chuck it back in and the dumpster will be emptied tomorrow and Seorin will never see it again.

  I closed my eyes and let out a breath slowly, my hand tightening on the teddy bear. Before I could change my mind, I turned around and ran back into the building. When I got to Seorin's apartment, I took a deep breath and placed the teddy bear by the foot of the door. Then I rang the doorbell and slipped into a nearby doorway.

  I watched as Seorin opened her door and look around in confusion. Just as she was about to close the door again, her eyes fell on the bear. She stopped short, and bent down to pick it up. She stared at it and for a moment it looked like she was going to throw it away again. But then her expression changed and she gave the gentlest of smiles before turning back into the house and shutting the door, taking the bear with her.

. . .

(Sehun's POV)

2 days later...

  "Let's wind up the practice for today," the instructor said. We all thanked him as he left the practice room. The usually chaos filled the room as everyone started talking and laughing and bickering as they got ready to go home. I silently got my things, feeling unusually tired.

  "Sehunnie, you ok?" Suho asked me.

  "Yeah. I'm just tired," I replied, shouldering my bag "Let's get home quickly."

  Suho nodded and yelled at the others to hurry up. Soon, we were walking towards the lobby. As we were crossing the spacious room to the front doors, I caught sight of a dark haired girl with her back to me. My heart gave an odd leap. Seorin?

  The girl turned around. It wasn't Seorin. Snap out of it Sehun! Stop thinking about her. I shook my head and was about to follow the others when someone else caught my eye. I stopped short. What the hell is he doing here?

  "Hyung, you guys go ahead," I called to Suho "I'll catch up in a minute. I forgot something in the practice room."

  "Be quick then," Suho said and then he and the others walked through the door. I turned and went up to the figure standing in the far corner of the lobby, hands in the pockets.

  "Why are you here?" I asked.

  "Why can't I be here," asked Ji Hun. "Am I not allowed?"

  "I'm asking what you're doing here. "

  "I came to meet you," Ji Hun said to my surprise "It's about Seorin."

  "Why? What about her?" I asked, worried. "Did something happen? Is she ok?! Is she hurt?!"

  "She's not hurt- physically, at least. Emotionally? Pretty much," Ji Hun replied and I looked away, feeling a lump in my throat. I felt him studying me quietly. "You love her a lot don't you?" he asked and I said nothing. "So why did you tell her that you don't?"

  "Because she's better off without me," I replied "I only hurt her and let her down. I couldn't protect her when she needed it."

  "So you feel guilty for Seorin getting hurt ?" Ji Hun asked and I nodded. "It wasn't your fault. And what I said at the hospital, I didn't mean it. I was just angry and scared Seorin would die so I wanted someone to blame. I know that you can't control what your fans do. And I was wrong to accuse you. I'm sorry."

  I looked at him in surprise. "Did you just apologize to me?"

  Ji Hun rolled his eyes. "I'm not as bad as you think I am."

  "Whatever. Anyway, why did you want to meet me?" I asked.

  "I overheard Seorin and A-yeong talking, a few days ago. And I heard Seorin say that she would say yes to me if I ask her out."

  I stared at him. "Wow. Congratulations," I said sarcastically "Did you come here to brag about Seorin becoming your girlfriend and rub it in my face?"

  "No," Ji hun replied "It's just that Seorin still loves you and is only going to date me to forget you."

  "And that bothers you? You don't want to be a replacement?"

  "No, I don't mind it as long as I have her by my side," he said.

"Then what's the problem?" I snapped irritably "Go make her your girlfriend. Why are you telling me all this?"

  "Because you love her. And she loves you," said Ji Hun "I don't know what she sees in you, but she loves you. And she's miserable without you."

  I remained silent for some time. "So what do want me to do?" I asked finally.

  "I'm giving you a chance to make things right with Seorin," Ji Hun said "I'll be taking her for a treat in exactly a week and if you want, you can come and make things right. And if you don't come, I'll ask her out and will do my best to make her happy."

  "You want me to ask Seorin out myself?" I asked him in surprise.

  "Well, I'd rather not have you ask her out because then I would lose her... But yes, I want you to ask her out."

  I stared at him, unable to believe my ears. "But why? Why would you do that for me?"

  Ji Hun laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for Seorin. As much as I want her to be my girlfriend, I want her to be happy more. And I know that she will be happier with you."

  I swallowed. What do I do? Do I go and tell her I want her back? After I kicked her out and hurt her feelings? But if I don't, she'll never be mine. But isn't that what I wanted? To make her stay away from me? Arghh why am I feeling so torn??

  Ji Hun looked at his watch. "I have to go," he said "I'll text you the place and the time." He turned to go.

  "Wait, did you say in a week?" I asked "But I'm leaving for a tour in Japan in a week."

  Ji Hun turned around. "I can't help you with that. I already told Seorin I'll be takin her somewhere for a treat on that day," he said "If you really care, you would find a way to come. It's your decision. It's something you have to do for Seorin. If you care for her, that is."  he stopped and stared at me coldly.

  I said nothing and looked away. Ji Hun continued, "If you don't come, I will look after her and do my best to make her happy. She will be mine and I will not give her up without a fight. This is the last chance I'm giving you."

.  .  .

(A/N) Hello, dear readers!! Terribly sorry for the late update. I had an exam and then I became too lazy lol. Anyway, I hope this chapter was ok and you enjoyed reading it. Until next time! Bye! <3