Disgustingly True

Please read the Author's Note at the end

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It was past midnight, but I wasn't in the living room passing the time with Oli. I was on the roof, staring off into the lights of the city. The lights flickered alive with promise of modesty and hope. It was disgusting. The cars were so far away, I couldn't even hear the hum and purr of their engines. Though they were on roads to someplace, they all were lost. We are all lost, until we find ourselves at the gates of Hell. That's dark. But, so is the night sky that doesn't fall upon our heads at night. The only thing that falls on my head at night is all my regrets and wishes that I shove away during the day. All the things I did wrong. All the rules I disobeyed, or obeyed. All the people I hurt. The people who don't trust me. It's cruel. I'm cruel. We're all cruel. And that's why we all go to Hell. What is Hell? Life can be hell, but is it really Hell, per say? Hell was made out to be terrible and filled with all sorts of bad people. To me, that just sounded like prison. If Hell is anything like prison, then I don't mind it. But to go to Hell, one must die. Just like if you desire to get to Heaven, you've got to die first. No one likes to talk about that fact though. The stars were hidden away in the night sky. The only twinkling that shone against my eyes was the twinkling of the moon as clouds passed in front of it. I wasn't tired. I was wide awake. Having had a day full of attempts at poetry, I found my mind even more active than it had been. "Disgusting isn't it?" Missy asked, putting a cigarette to her lips. I glanced at her. Her slim figure perfectly placed a meter away from me. A small orange glow lit up her face as she lit the cigarette that was placed between her teeth. "We all will die, and all of our bastard souls will wind up in the fiery pits of Hell together. Think, us whores and sluts shall burn along with the most 'god-praising' of man." "Disgusting that anyone thinks they're better than anyone, yes. We all matter about the same amount. Money, fame or materialistic items don't change that fact." I muttered. She nodded, taking a long, slow, drag of the glowing stick perched between her two lips. "You wanna know something? About this house we live in?" Missy asked me. I shrugged. "We're not a family. We're eight fucked up people who are cared for by one woman. That's it." "I figured so." I said with a dark chuckle. She nodded, blowing out the smoke from her lungs. "Not to mention that Oli's like her personal slut." Missy added. My eyes widened a little at that. I had wondered why he'd never seemed to have any clients, but then again, I had assumed maybe he had his clients when I did and that's why I never saw them. "So he just never has clients?" I asked curiously. She nodded. "Then how does he earn his way here?" "By fucking the Madame senseless. And since that's all he does, I think that keeps him here. He can't earn money, so he's kinda stuck here until the Madame get's tired of him." "That's..terrible." My vocabulary was fleeting. My words trapped in a library behind my teeth, beyond my reach. "It is." Missy blew out another cloud of smoke." She glanced at me. "So, I keep hearing that you two are kinda close. Care to explain?" I scoffed. "Why bother? You still hate me." "Yeah, and that probably won't ever change, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear about your life." "Me and Oli are really close friends, I guess. We kinda just get each other." "I wouldn't have seen that one coming." "Why do you say that?" "You're innocent and young while Oli's brooding and dark and a tad sadistic." "I think you mean more masochistic." "That doesn't make things any better." She stubbed out her cigarette and went to go back inside the house. "Don't get your hopes up though. With whores, things never work out." Missy then slid back through the small window at the end of the hallway and into the house. I watched her go. Her words were like an expectant mother. You know what's coming, what's the truth, but until it actually comes, you're naive and oblivious. Missy had a point, Oli and I were opposites, not polar, but personality-wise, we were opposite. I understood his desire to always be alone, I got his love for books. I got why he would always ramble. He rambled because no one ever usually listened to him, and when someone actually did, he just spilt everything he'd been thinking. For him, talking to me was like releasing all the things that clouded his thoughts, but it was hard for him. Painful even. Oli preferred to keep everything inside his head, because he was convinced that he could handle it, no matter how much I offered him my ears to listen. No one deserves to be in emotional or mental pain. If you think you do, you don't. But then again, the world wouldn't hand you a plate of sweet peas if you didn't like them. I don't think anyone ever deserved to feel worthless or crazy, but perhaps through feeling that way, one found their strength, their courage. Maybe that was what helped them through. I wasn't courageous, I wasn't strong. I was as weak as plastic butter knife. Even though I was a whore, this is a fact, not a question about it, did that automatically denote me as something I'm not? No, my job didn't mean that nothing would ever work with me. Ashley and Jake were an example of a couple that wouldn't and couldn't ever work out. Not everyone is like them. Just like not every couple is perfect, not every couple argues, not every couple enjoys the same things, and not every couple is actually happy together. With a deep sigh and last glance at the brilliant night sky, void of all stars, I climbed back inside. I shut the window and went downstairs. The television was on and Spongebob Squarepants was playing. I had most likely seen ever episode of the aquatic show that had ever aired, so I wans't very interested in watching it. Before my eyes was a sight I hadn't seen ever in my life; Oli was asleep. I was taken aback for a few moments because I vividly remember him telling me he didn't sleep. I stepped closer to him. "Oli? Oli? Are you asleep?" I'll admit, my choice of words weren't the smartest. If he was asleep, then of fucking course he wasn't going to answer me. He opened his eyes in an instant. "No. I was thinking." He replied bitterly. I raised an eyebrow at him. So had he been sleeping or not? His sarcastic response could be taken either way. "C'mere." I sat down next to him, but he motioned for me to come closer. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked him, mocking his bitter tone. He shrugged. "Lay with me, c'mon." He asked. That was unexpected. I pushed aside my fluttering thoughts and laid down with him, his arm around my waist, keeping me against him. "Thank you." "I don't get you." I admitted to him. He chuckled. "You're being weird." "Darling, you know I'm not the sanest person on the planet." He brushed his lips against my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. "But it's late, and I just wanted to hold you is all." "So, how have you been?" I asked lamely. "I've seen better days. Those kinds of days I haven't seen in a while, if I'm being perfectly honest with you. Feelings are pointless. Unless they're pain, then I don't care much for them." "Oli, do you hate life?" "Every second, every minute, of every fucking day. Yes." "Why?" "It's dark, but you probably could have guessed that by now. I'm not happy dear, and I don't ever recall being happy. Then there's the visions that refuse to leave me alone. Thoughts that need to be strangled with a noose float throughout my mind. It's a dark place. This is a dark house, but it's not like I can leave." "Why can't you leave?" "You're still a nosy little shithead, Holly." He took a deep breath. "But the reason I can't leave relates back to that secret, you remember? The one that I could be killed for if it ever leaked out of my mouth." "Okay, I won't ask anymore questions." I moved against him, my nerves having relaxed. "Since I'm so nosy to you." "Good, I'll ask you questions then, since you know so much about me, and I know close to nothing about you." He fell quiet. "What's your favorite thing in the whole wide world?" "The whole wide world?" I asked, he nodded. "Hm...maybe food." "Fatass." He teased. "What's your fondest memory you had with your family?" I bit my bottom lip as I thought for a few minutes. "My fondest memory with my family would have to be when my family went fishing off of some bridge type thing into the ocean. We drove like four hours away and went fishing together. It was so hot that day too. My brothers loved it, my mom and I kinda bonded. We saw dolphins in the water, I accidentally got my hook stuck into a pelican, there were jellyfishes...it was amazing. And I'll never forget how the sun had looked on the ocean that day. It'd been so bright, like millions of pieces of glitter on the water." I sighed as I came back to reality. My chest hurt, like a dam of tears had built up in my chest, hoping for a leak to arise. "You miss them, don't you?" He asked me softly. I nodded. "Yeah, but it's okay." I mumbled, attempting to keep my sadness buried deep down. "You know what's kinda funny, the word family. At the end it has the letters 'i', 'l' and 'y'. Which can stand for 'I love you', like the love a family has, ya know?" "Actually, I don't. I get what you're saying, but I don't get the love part. Have you ever been in love?" "Yeah, once. But, things occurred, feelings went away, and glass was broken." "Glass?" "By glass I mean his car windows when I hit them out with a baseball bat." "And what would provoke you into doing that?" "He cheated on me and got the girl pregnant." "Fucking dick. How could someone even cheat on you?" "I don't even know." "I mean, you're smart, beautiful, and really nice. Yeah, you can be annoying, but you're a catch. Why bother trying to be with someone else?" "Because he was a fucking dick." I joked with a laugh. Oli chuckled a little. "He didn't deserve you." "You say that like you do." "I don't. No one does. But you do deserve to be treated like the fucking queen you are." He pressed his lips to my neck lightly. "If you could go back in time to any point in your life, which point would you go to and why?" "You're asking some deep fucking questions. Um...I'd probably go back to when I was twelve. Maybe tell myself that everything would be okay, and it's okay to be alone." "Were you not liked or something?" "I was bullied pretty badly in middle school. I was kinda forced into being alone all the time, so I had to just get used to it." "I was bullied too. But I was bullied all the way until I'd graduated high school. It'd gotten so bad that I had to switch schools my junior year, but the bullying just continued." "That's awful, why did they bully you so badly?" "C'mon, Holly, think about it. I'm was an easy target. My parents didn't give much of a shit about me, so who would I tell? My brother was always too stoned to care about anything, I was alone all the time. It was a golden opportunity, really." "Is that why you think so terribly about yourself?" "I don't 'think terribly' of my myself. I see it as I'm more honest and realistic with myself. Am I depressing person to be around, yes. Am I twisted? Yes. Why bother lying to myself. You might see something different, hell we all do, but I see myself as scum." "You're not scum though." "Says you." He fell silent for a few moments. "It's late. You should go to bed." "I'm not tired." I retorted back. He chuckled a little. "You're a stubborn little shit. C'mon, get up." He nudged me and I laughed quietly. "If I ge up, you're carrying me to bed." I replied playfully. He sighed "Fine." I got off of the couch and he followed suit. "C'mon." He then picked me up bridal-style and carried me up the stairs. "You know," I yawned a little. "You can try to push me away all you want, I'll still want to be close to you." "Perhaps I push you away because I want to see that you care enough to stay." He opened the girl's room door and gently set me down on my bed. "Goodnight, Oli with an H." "Night, Holly without the H." I said with a small laugh. I caught sight of a small smile on Oli's lips before he left the room. I sighed. It'd be a long sleepless night ahead of me.

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A/N: I'm so terribly sorry for not updating recently. After I got home, I've just been lazy and constantly tired. That's still not excuse, so I will be resuming my usual updating schedule from here on out. Also, to make it up to you all, I will be updating another chapter later on today. Also, on another note, do you like the new cover? I modelled and edited it myself. I hope you understand the sixty dollars in the cover's reference. ;) Okay, so again, thank you all for reading and not abandoning the story. I appreciate each vote and comment so much.